stupid first world problems you're dealing with

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51bVHtHDnmA

I've been underemployed since around the beginning of May. I ditched out of a job where a lot of promises were made, and nobody delivered. I went uncompensated for about a month before the beginning of May working my ass off to meet expectations - then got totally ostracized from a group of business-peeps I've worked with for close to a half decade for standing up for myself and my crew of people. I put in years of work, all to be lost by finally realizing I was being taken advantage of and as soon as I showed a slightly tough skin, I was labeled as ungrateful and the like.

I hate to admit it, but it has taken a toll on me. I have had a full-time job since I was legally allowed to work and now that I have nothing going on, I realize just how pallid my life is without working for other people. Loads of crickets and dark corners in my days lately. I wake up most days and just sit in bed looking at my phone, shifting between WATMM, Instagram and a few other places I look at until I realize that normal humans eat more than once a day and try to stuff food down my gullet. I have no reason to go to bed at night, no reason to wake up. In my earlier years I would have receded into a drug-fueled haze, but not now... I feel so shit and I've gone down that path so much that I even know how shit it would be to have to deal with the high's and low's of a drug binge with this mindset.

My friends keep telling me to make music, but sitting in my studio I get nothing that comes to me. I'll just make some loops, get bored or whatever and then shut everything off.

Also, I'm pretty much fucked on getting job before I leave for two weeks to Europe at the end of August because no employer wants to hire someone with a month or so to work until they leave for a half-month. Missed out on two huge jobs because of those vacation plans and had a third get me through filling out all my employment contracts and tax info to call me the day before I start and tell me that the person who I was replacing has decided to not leave the company. Currently I'm just working part time at a friends grow when he needs me, which is very nice of him.

Financially, I'll survive, I've got more money than most of my friends do that have jobs ATM - but it has not been fun to literally cut down to nothing and never leaving my house. I'm scared shitless to spend my coffers after busting my ass for the last 5 to 6 years to get where I am. It gives me huge anxiety like I'm letting someone bleed me of my life-force lol. Had to tap into a savings that I've never touched, sold my RYTM and a bunch of old grow equipment (thanks WA for fucking over medical cannabis), picked up my old extracurricular ways of making money by selling certain things to people again and just started getting a measly unemployment check every week (lol at the Fed taxing unemployment benefits btw)

I don't know why I'm saying this here. Maybe it's the anonymity. Maybe it's the fact that I don't feel comfortable admitting these things to my friends or family. But I need to vent it somewhere. My GF is constantly worried about me, which makes things worse. She thinks I'm going to do something stupid and keeps pitying me all the time, which is sincere, but makes me even more depressed and makes me want to hide my feelings more and more to make sure she is not affected by me. I have an odd trait from my past of just internalizing my feelings as futile or unimportant and going completely blank to the world around me. It's my way of not just screaming at people or taking my frustrations out on others that have nothing to do with it... probably not normal, but after a rough childhood with freaky swinging hippie commune parents, being kicked out at 15, and going through the life I've had - it's the only way I know how to not sink into the rising tide of my own self pity.

Thank you for your attention. Goodbye

(AFX reference, not suicide note, just so there's no confusion)

thats just a problem.

Feel ya man, struggle is real.

Developed feelings toward a friend and after we started hanging out a lot more and doing date-ish things (movies, sit down dinner, bars) i asked her out. She was surprised, said she was down, but i could sense some reluctance. Anyway, went on a date and to make a long story short, she wanted to stay friends.

I'm pretty bummed because I was liking the idea of dating someone I already know but i guess it's back to the okcupid grind of trying to meet up with women I don't even know. This dating angst is kill me.

Not as serious as those last posts (hang in there dudes!), but I just spilled coffee all over my leg at work and it looks like I pissed all over myself. Also, very hot.

Sorry to hear life is not too sunshiney at the moment Audioblysk. Hope things get better and you find a good outlet for those less pleasant feelings - I find them useful at times, myself, but that's probably because my life is tragically boring.

My lame FWP: Had a week off and was hoping to do some Max patching or tune-making. Instead, scored a new machine, which is super cool, but never felt arsed to make tunes and instead read a lot and saw a couple movies, both of which are cool, but spent too much time on the internet as usual. And here I am. Ho hum.

Hang in there Audio. That's what this thread is for, and don't feel ashamed about it.

I'm kind of in a similar situation. My current job I started a full decade ago. I've been dealing with heavier depression this year than in the past because of it. In fact, I was supposed to be working today but called in sick because of how bad it's gotten - to the point where suicidal thoughts have cropped up again. I pretty much shut down last night because of all this.
At work it's gotten to where everyone - both clients and coworkers - have become too demanding and dependent of me and I feel like I constantly have to pick up their slack. I'm just drained and yearn for a way out, soon.

Good news is I have a pretty clear idea what kind of job(s) to look for next. Might be just where I'll end up within the next two or three months. But either way this is a wake-up call. It'll be a necessary move to improve my life.


Sorry for being all serious and shit.

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:45 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:02 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

lol shit! I'm going to need more to go off of here. Can you post the sample song?

 

 

I was told I should use whatever instruments I wanted to so the last demo I made was made on my piano and then I added some cello and a pretty deep bassline that plays along the cello. It turned out pretty good but I'm not sure anyone would say that it's in the same style as the track in the video.

 

Eh, you probably know better than they do what they want. As long as the instrumentation's kind of similar they'll be happy, most likely.

FWP: got randomly shoved by a stranger after Canada Day fireworks. It's my first experience with unexpected physical violence on my person. The dude was in the middle of the street picking fights with cars. Someone on my side of the sidewalk said something directed at him. He decided that someone was me, wandered over and gave me a hard shove, acting like he wanted a fight. I just continued walking and several other people intervened, including a guy twice his size. I think he actually looking to be beaten up. It was a self-destructive thing. Apparently he was shouting taunts at the big guy for a while, saying he'd like to fuck his GF and things of that nature (my friends filled me in). Oddly I didn't feel shaken up at all afterwards... though it seemed like everyone expected I would be. I just accept that angry violent dudes are gonna be angry violent dudes, and if I weren't walking there someone else would have taken the hit. There was nothing personal there. It was a shove, not a punch, so not a huge deal for me. If I were walking somewhere by myself and a random stranger attacked me it would be another story. Moral of the story: always wait an hour before leaving your friends' apartment to head home after the fireworks.

  On 7/3/2016 at 9:35 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:45 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:02 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

lol shit! I'm going to need more to go off of here. Can you post the sample song?

https://vimeo.com/50124141

 

I was told I should use whatever instruments I wanted to so the last demo I made was made on my piano and then I added some cello and a pretty deep bassline that plays along the cello. It turned out pretty good but I'm not sure anyone would say that it's in the same style as the track in the video.

Eh, you probably know better than they do what they want. As long as the instrumentation's kind of similar they'll be happy, most likely.

Haha, right! We'll see tomorrow. I think my last sketch/demo was pretty good and actually better than the reference track. But we'll see...

@audio: GET A B- *gets punched in tha mouf*

hey, at least you still have your girl. I remember you posting about how well things were going on that front some time ago and you sounded pretty happy with it, so it can't all be bad. the shit'll pass mayne, as someone who has only just gotten into the flow of a forwards-moving 'career' after years of problems, I can confidently say that money and job worries, while a recurring adult problem, should not be allowed to cripple you because so long as you keep pushing and stay on the front foot, things will get better. imo you should try and focus your energies on a new non-work-related passion (two-wheeled or no).

*sends salaams all round*

and just to add to the general seriousness of pg661:

I saw my friend who was in that bike accident in hospital yesterday. the damage to his lower left leg is worse than I thought. apparently when the car collided with him, his foot got caught and pivoted him sharply over the top of his bike. the force caused a lot of bone and tendon loss and there's a chance he might lose his foot :(( he's going to find out after a major operation on Wednesday.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. he's keeping his spirits up as well, lots of family around, including his babby who he had just six months ago. some veins and nerves are still attached so he has a fighting chance.

  On 7/3/2016 at 9:58 PM, Squee said:

 

  On 7/3/2016 at 9:35 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:45 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 7/2/2016 at 1:02 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

lol shit! I'm going to need more to go off of here. Can you post the sample song?

https://vimeo.com/50124141

 

I was told I should use whatever instruments I wanted to so the last demo I made was made on my piano and then I added some cello and a pretty deep bassline that plays along the cello. It turned out pretty good but I'm not sure anyone would say that it's in the same style as the track in the video.

Eh, you probably know better than they do what they want. As long as the instrumentation's kind of similar they'll be happy, most likely.

Haha, right! We'll see tomorrow. I think my last sketch/demo was pretty good and actually better than the reference track. But we'll see...

The client liked the third demo I did. I should move this sunshine story to the success thread now, huh?

summer holidays so I got all the time in the world to do whatever but it's SO hot and humid I just wanna lay down and die

  On 7/5/2016 at 5:00 PM, ThatSpanishGuy said:

summer holidays so I got all the time in the world to do whatever but it's SO hot and humid I just wanna lay down and die

Wait until those summer nights though. Love walking around in just a teeshirt at night

My girlfriend is in the hospital. We thought she had kidney stones. Now it turns out she has an 11 cm dried up clump of blood in her bladder.

They're fixing her now and I'm watching tv. But I haven't had any dinner and THAT is my first world problem.

  On 7/5/2016 at 9:12 PM, Squee said:

My girlfriend is in the hospital. We thought she had kidney stones. Now it turns out she has an 11 cm dried up clump of blood in her bladder.

They're fixing her now and I'm watching tv. But I haven't had any dinner and THAT is my first world problem.

that sucks, squee, i guess she is lucky though, could be worse..

Yeah, it really sucks for her. But the operation went fine and she's already come round from the anaesthetic. Luckily, there was nothing cancerous to be found and the whole procedure went great. She was completely wasted when I went in to see her which was pretty hilarious.

Poor thing.

  On 7/6/2016 at 12:49 AM, Squee said:

Luckily, there was nothing cancerous to be found

This, is great news. Happy it turned out well (all things considered) in the end.

Oh great, my mom just called and told me that my dad has started drinking again.

This is exactly what I need. Especially since 10 minutes earlier I was told that the doctors will have to cut out half of my girlfriend's kidney.

Fuck my life.

my friend gets to keep his foot!

  On 7/6/2016 at 3:42 PM, Squee said:

Oh great, my mom just called and told me that my dad has started drinking again.
This is exactly what I need. Especially since 10 minutes earlier I was told that the doctors will have to cut out half of my girlfriend's kidney.

fuck

shit

I thought she was in the clear, excuse my comment earlier then.

  On 7/6/2016 at 3:42 PM, Squee said:

Oh great, my mom just called and told me that my dad has started drinking again.

This is exactly what I need. Especially since 10 minutes earlier I was told that the doctors will have to cut out half of my girlfriend's kidney.

 

Fuck my life.

Is your dad a proper drinker? As in one sniff sends him into the twilight zone?

A good friend of the family, a very (very) decent man but when his wife died went into drinking oblivion has just been sectioned and commited to a home. Pretty crazy how alcohol can have such a massive effect on people. I like a fucking drink, but I also hate hangovers, and maybe because I like beer I'm generally fast asleep and dribbling before I can do much damage.

Sorry to hear such bad luck. That's my monthly dose of the General Banter forum done, see you next month!

wtf people these are legit problems not silly 1st world ones.

  On 7/6/2016 at 6:26 PM, AAAAh said:

wtf people these are legit problems not silly 1st world ones.

The seriousness will blow over in time. Be patient.

I think it's fair that some of us have an opportunity here to voice those more serious problems though.