depression

Word to the wise on ssri's - they can greatly diminish your creativity. That wouldnt stop me from taking them if i needed them as health obv should be top priority, just something to keep in mind.

  On 7/10/2014 at 1:56 AM, usagi said:

 

  On 7/9/2014 at 3:48 PM, A/D said:

I just started on my first course of SSRIs (Lexapro). I'm feeling hopeful actually.

 

...

 

Thanks for your testimony.. I know they're all different (the SSRIs) but it's always interesting to find out how people experience taking them.

Do you feel good about it? Good enough to keep taking them?

  On 7/10/2014 at 2:12 AM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 7/9/2014 at 4:19 PM, fiznuthian said:

Just ate 20 mg paxil again.. fucking shit.

 

what's your beef with paxil?

 

It's less a beef as much as it is a paranoia. I'm scared of toying with serotonin receptors because there are a lot of unknowns still. Paxil also has notoriety for being potent and giving some people the most severe withdrawal problems. All in all I am just a bit scared of taking it even if it might help, especially with social anxiety.

Im on zoloft. They are taking me off it, slowly. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank fuck

thanks, maetl.

  On 7/10/2014 at 1:56 AM, usagi said:

 

  On 7/9/2014 at 3:48 PM, A/D said:

I just started on my first course of SSRIs (Lexapro). I'm feeling hopeful actually.

 

dude, I just started Lexapro as well. been taking them for a little over two weeks now.

...

Heh. Nice man. I'm just a few days in. The worst side effect has been a tightening in the jaw, but it seems to be gradually wearing off. The first couple of days were weird, one night I couldn't sleep, the next day I couldn't wake up. (I got up and did stuff, just felt really drowsy.) But it's getting better. I've had flashes of feeling good, which is something I honestly forgot what it was like. I've been used to having bad bad days and good bad days for so long I had forgotten what it's like to find beauty in something, or be excited to see my wife after work. Just that alone is enough for me to keep going.

Be well internet med bro. Fuck depression 4lyf

Any advice for me guys? I've been struggling with alcoholism for years. I've always used alcohol to medicate, though I'm not sure if that's just for anxiety or depression also. I've definitely thought about just offing myself plenty of times. I know I have social anxiety for many complex reasons but...

I don't know what to do here. I'm fighting both cyclical depression and constant anxiety. =/

also, glad to see you back A/D, long time not see/chat

Well, I eventually got sick of feeling like shit for no reason, and I went to a hospital and got a psych evaluation. "U haev problem" they said. They referred me to a state-run mental health clinic. In my intake I told them I didn't want to take meds, so I got assigned a therapist. It was pretty cheap ($35 a session as my insurance didn't cover it).

Close to a year later with the therapist I admit to myself there's no reason I haven't tried meds, and it might be the last big thing I haven't tried. So I say ok, meet with a psychiatrist a few weeks later, and get teh meds. Now I am here.

Long story short, if you feel like shit and want help, tell a doctor and see if they'll help you. I think therapy is great and most people need it. Don't be afraid to try quite a few therapists to find one you click with. Some are bad and some are just not the right fit for you.

Good luck Stephen. If I remember correctly you have some medical certainty that alcohol is likely to make you die young. I'd say trying something else would be a nice break for your body & soul.

edit: thanks dude, it's been a solid several weeks of hiding in ye old smelly mental dumpster. on the uptake tho

  On 7/10/2014 at 5:06 AM, StephenG said:

Any advice for me guys? I've been struggling with alcoholism for years. I've always used alcohol to medicate, though I'm not sure if that's just for anxiety or depression also. I've definitely thought about just offing myself plenty of times. I know I have social anxiety for many complex reasons but...

 

I don't know what to do here. I'm fighting both cyclical depression and constant anxiety. =/

Man, Stephen

Hang in there. Maybe try to go see a therapist like A/D suggested. Can't say much as I don't go to one either.

Sometimes it helps just to lay on the ground and stretch out and breathe slowly for a while.

I think I will skip the therapist, and see if I can find a psych... the reason I say that is because... quite honestly I understand my complex and I understand why I think certain ways. I'm very aware of these things and can run through the questions and answers I'd give a therapist.

Maybe I will go the psych route, and maybe some sort of medication (other than ativan/xanax for my anxiety) is the better route to go...

I've been fighting this too long. The hugest drawback is that I'm such a high functioning alcoholic. I can drink 30oz and still work my ft job and go to Uni for 8hrs the next day. I think what my life needs to see is some sort of self destruction where I lose control..

I don't know. Life is tough man.

  On 7/10/2014 at 5:19 AM, fiznuthian said:

 

  On 7/10/2014 at 5:06 AM, StephenG said:

Any advice for me guys? I've been struggling with alcoholism for years. I've always used alcohol to medicate, though I'm not sure if that's just for anxiety or depression also. I've definitely thought about just offing myself plenty of times. I know I have social anxiety for many complex reasons but...

 

I don't know what to do here. I'm fighting both cyclical depression and constant anxiety. =/

 

Man, Stephen

Hang in there. Maybe try to go see a therapist like A/D suggested. Can't say much as I don't go to one either.
Sometimes it helps just to lay on the ground and stretch out and breathe slowly for a while.

 

I like your idea of laying on the ground lol. I've done that before, I love feeling close to the earth.

I'm a hippie.

Yeah it's weird but it helps.. when i feel like shit I just lay there motionless sprawled out on the floor and just stretch out and relax, or close my eyes and breathe

i converted my depression to anger and told off a bunch of people who just minutes before thought i was cool. i am surrounded by ashes from all these bridges.

This past year has been difficult for me. I've been feeling really lost and lonely, like nothing good is ever going to happen for me. I feel stuck in a crappy job that I've outgrown, with a dumbass boss who has no idea how to do his job and it's really insulting to me. I have had no luck in finding other work, and every day I sit at my desk getting so angry and I worry that I'm going to do something stupid. When I get home, I can't seem to concentrate on creative endeavors or classwork (I'm currently working on a Master's), so I just sit here and either screw around on the net or .... just stare at the screen. I'll play a video game or like an hour or something and then get bored. I'm always alone and my phone never rings. My family doesn't give a fuck about me unless they want something. There's just a lot of crap going on and I feel that I need to break out of it somehow. I just don't know what to do.

for those that need it

  On 4/12/2014 at 9:29 AM, xxx said:

marf you may well be right but as part of your treatment, recognize that the cognitive distortions associated with anxiety and OCD are so great that they can border on the psychotic/delusional. I'm not calling you crazy but I think your vulnerability combined with the huge discomfort associated with disclosing sensitive stuff is priming your anxious, perseverating brain to interpret unrelated cues as proof of her eavesdropping and divulging to others. You don't have direct evidence so you can't waste too much energy on "what ifs".

 

On an even more crucial level, if these people would treat you differently, they are not who you need in your life anyway. Definitely bring up the sound masking device but in the meantime, focus on nothing but you. You can't do anything about it even if it were true. You're going to look even more unstable if you confront the receptionist and the grocery folk. Let it go.

heeded your advice xxx. glad i did, thanks! :-)

  On 7/10/2014 at 8:23 AM, flim said:

This past year has been difficult for me. I've been feeling really lost and lonely, like nothing good is ever going to happen for me. I feel stuck in a crappy job that I've outgrown, with a dumbass boss who has no idea how to do his job and it's really insulting to me. I have had no luck in finding other work, and every day I sit at my desk getting so angry and I worry that I'm going to do something stupid. When I get home, I can't seem to concentrate on creative endeavors or classwork (I'm currently working on a Master's), so I just sit here and either screw around on the net or .... just stare at the screen. I'll play a video game or like an hour or something and then get bored. I'm always alone and my phone never rings. My family doesn't give a fuck about me unless they want something. There's just a lot of crap going on and I feel that I need to break out of it somehow. I just don't know what to do.

To me it kind of sounds like you're lacking balance. I don't know what your private life looks like, but I'd suggest you to socialize more or exercise.

I know this sounds like shitty advice but everything changed like me when I started running . I lost weight, got more confident, had more self control in other things as well and I just became more optimistic. I hated sport of any kind but the now the best feeling I know is when you run for over an hour and you feel like you could continue for the rest of your life. It also inspires me and motivates me to get shit done, which might help you with your lack of concentration.

Hope this helps.

But when the self speaks to the self, who is speaking?—the entombed soul, the spirit driven in, in, in to the central catacomb; the self that took the veil and left the world—a coward perhaps, yet somehow beautiful, as it flits with its lantern restlessly up and down the dark corridors.

  On 7/10/2014 at 11:18 PM, Verdant Hickies said:

 

  On 7/10/2014 at 8:23 AM, flim said:

This past year has been difficult for me. I've been feeling really lost and lonely, like nothing good is ever going to happen for me. I feel stuck in a crappy job that I've outgrown, with a dumbass boss who has no idea how to do his job and it's really insulting to me. I have had no luck in finding other work, and every day I sit at my desk getting so angry and I worry that I'm going to do something stupid. When I get home, I can't seem to concentrate on creative endeavors or classwork (I'm currently working on a Master's), so I just sit here and either screw around on the net or .... just stare at the screen. I'll play a video game or like an hour or something and then get bored. I'm always alone and my phone never rings. My family doesn't give a fuck about me unless they want something. There's just a lot of crap going on and I feel that I need to break out of it somehow. I just don't know what to do.

To me it kind of sounds like you're lacking balance. I don't know what your private life looks like, but I'd suggest you to socialize more or exercise.

I know this sounds like shitty advice but everything changed like me when I started running . I lost weight, got more confident, had more self control in other things as well and I just became more optimistic. I hated sport of any kind but the now the best feeling I know is when you run for over an hour and you feel like you could continue for the rest of your life. It also inspires me and motivates me to get shit done, which might help you with your lack of concentration.

Hope this helps.

 

You very well could be right. Exercise is very tied into this current situation. In 2011, my boss left the company and I took over as the interim manager of my department. During that period of time, I gained a lot of weight and was really stressed out. I started working out and lost a great deal of what I'd gained, and I also noticed that my productivity level had gone up. I got a lot done that year and worked really hard on all fronts. I made a lot of progress. In mid-2012, I applied for the mgmt job when it was actually posted and expected to get it. I did not, and it really made me angry. The guy they hired over me wasn't very good and he left in less than a year. I applied for that job again and still didn't get it, and the current guy is someone who actually has no experience in the field. He's an absolute moron. I stopped working out last year and have just been stewing in anger and it's really bringing all my personal problems to the forefront. I'm thinking more about my lack of friends and poor relationship with my family. I'm more cognizant of how much time is passing and how much older I'm getting, and it's really making me sad. It's a rut for sure. But again, you could be right. Perhaps what I need to do is get back to working out, because although I hate it, it was something that I'd taken control of and really stuck to, and everything around me seemed to be moving forward. While it isn't the solution to all my problems, it very well could be a step in the right direction.

As far as socializing, well, that's not something I do well, and this town is really crappy and there's nothing to do. So..... I don't think that's going to happen.

Thanks for your suggestions.

can you move? a new setting might change things.

also I will add to the chorus of voices emphasising exercise as being very important. I often get a post-workout euphoria and feel invincible. part of the reason why I started antidepressants was that I had a motorcycle accident recently and fucked up my leg and couldn't run or anything. I now view exercise as not optional but essential to my wellbeing.

so you might hate it, but fackin' do it. <3

  On 7/11/2014 at 6:35 AM, usagi said:

 

 

I now view exercise as not optional but essential to my wellbeing.

I keep forgetting and relearning this lesson over and over. I feel like total shit when I don't walk around and climb some stairs and suck in some air and sunlight and generally just move around.

Another thing I'm relearning is just basic mindfulness. Just taking deep breaths and focusing on my breathing and trying to ground myself in the present moment.

Having been plagued with on-and-off depression since high school, I'm finally just now learning that--while I may not have any control over the onset of depression--there is a lot one can do to not feed it. And i do think that a big part of depression is the vicious cycle of getting depressed and then doing things that feed depression, like staying inside, eating like shit, etc

Pattern-breaking and finding some novel stimulation are great ways to get the neurotransmitters going again. When I'm depressed I try to push against it by doing uncomfortable things (although often I fail).

  On 7/11/2014 at 6:35 AM, usagi said:

can you move? a new setting might change things.

 

also I will add to the chorus of voices emphasising exercise as being very important. I often get a post-workout euphoria and feel invincible. part of the reason why I started antidepressants was that I had a motorcycle accident recently and fucked up my leg and couldn't run or anything. I now view exercise as not optional but essential to my wellbeing.

 

so you might hate it, but fackin' do it. <3

Yeah, I can move, but I'd rather not just jump up and go somewhere without having a new job or a plan. I've had no luck with finding a new job for some reason, so that part of it isn't really possible. I mean, it is, but I just feel uneasy about moving without a sure thing waiting for me.

I am going to start exercising again. I was thinking about it today and I walked briskly around the parking lot at work on my lunch break today. It wasn't the most strenuous thing, but it was good for what it was. I am going to get up in the morning and jog a bit. I absolutely hate it, but yeah, I'm gonna fackin' do it. Thanks a lot.

  On 7/11/2014 at 7:37 AM, LimpyLoo said:

... a big part of depression is the vicious cycle of getting depressed and then doing things that feed depression, like staying inside, eating like shit, etc

 

Pattern-breaking and finding some novel stimulation are great ways to get the neurotransmitters going again. When I'm depressed I try to push against it by doing uncomfortable things (although often I fail).

this is very true and also very hard. breaking safety behaviours is so fucking difficult sometimes but it's the only way to fight through some things.

  On 7/11/2014 at 7:50 AM, flim said:

I am going to get up in the morning and jog a bit. I absolutely hate it, but yeah, I'm gonna fackin' do it. Thanks a lot.

do this, man. get one of the free C25K apps on your phone and let it time you. towards the end of a hard run you can feel like you're dying but the program manages that difficulty. and that clear end-goal to work towards is motivating. I found it pretty great.

  On 4/12/2014 at 11:14 AM, goDel said:

 

  On 4/12/2014 at 10:10 AM, KyoAcid said:

Without reading all the posts, I'll tell you what I know from my own personal experience...

 

My mother has had clinical depression for 25 years. I've grown up around it, and I know it well. I was in denial about my own depressed state for most of last year. Everything in 2013 culimated for me on 2nd January this year (a LONG story cut short), I woke up crying. I didnt speak to me wife, I just went straight to the doctors as I knew I HAD to this time.

 

...I need to deal with my past...

 

Kyo.

 

Thanks for the story Kyo.

 

When I read something like this, I think it's awkward that doctors go so fast for prescribing drugs. Because the way I read it, you waking up crying might have been exactly what you needed. To me it reads like a sign that your past is finally catching up to you and you are getting ready to emotionally deal with it. Growing up with a clinically depressed mother is a lot to cope with as a kid. There might be a huge hidden sense of loss down there, which comes free when realising that because of her condition you didn't get your needs met as a kid.

 

IMO, the only thing those pills do is covering up exactly those emotions you need to deal with.

 

I'm not sure whether you see it this way, but waking up crying can be a good thing. Underneath is a (emotional) realisation. Conscious or subconscious.

 

i disagree my friend. clinical depression is a liar. dont trust its logic. meds are wonderful. they (hopefully) stabilize you enough to see how irrational you became

My anxiety is so bad that even when I feel extra good and relax I feel like something is wrong.

im having a sort of existential crisis, i fear everything and my mind is thinking all the time about concepts i am not ready to deal with.

Right now i want to be able to enjoy life and not think about ends and all that shit, i want to persue the things i want to persue without this monkey on my back.

I guess everyone has to deal with this shit, its the human condition.

any advice?