depression

i had some minor depression today, sorry if this isn't like a full blown depression story but i talked to my mom about it but she's always so positive so i kinda shrugged then went on my own and blasted music through headphones for a bit. this whole holiday and how it didn't feel like christmas but i feel better now :)

I am very lonely.

Being lonely during the holidays. Oooo, it's that time of the year again...

Good luck to everyone with the tendency to comply to social norms - like gathering around a decorated tree with a bunch of people - even if you hate them. Those social norms, I mean. Not the people. At least, not necessarily those people. You can hate them as well, but that was not the point I was trying to make. Whatevs. Good luck all.

Yesterday my depression was triggered particularly badly (still hasn't let up) because I was hanging out with friends and having fun for the holidays, which is weird because one would expect to feel better in those situations. I'm the "funny guy" who cracks jokes and talks a lot and makes people laugh. When I get like that I feel like I'm putting up a front. I'm afraid to talk about it, too, because people get worried about me and it troubles them (I have a really big support system though). I know I put my parents through hell with this shit even though they try not to show it much, especially when I end up hospitalized like I just did.

Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

Why did you end up in hospital?

Just been reading through this thread, sounds like a lot of you are having a hard time - sincerely hope you're feeling better soon. This sounds very simplistic but I believe a lot of depression is down to basically thinking too much, then associating with those thoughts and beliefs, they become part of your identity. I'm not good at explaining this, but this guy is: http://www.audiodharma.org/series/87/talk/1834/

Meditation worked for anxiety for me. It may not work for you but worth a shot, right?

  On 12/26/2014 at 9:10 PM, westhead said:

Just been reading through this thread, sounds like a lot of you are having a hard time - sincerely hope you're feeling better soon. This sounds very simplistic but I believe a lot of depression is down to basically thinking too much, then associating with those thoughts and beliefs, they become part of your identity. I'm not good at explaining this, but this guy is: http://www.audiodharma.org/series/87/talk/1834/

 

Meditation worked for anxiety for me. It may not work for you but worth a shot, right?

oh my gosh yes mindfulness meditation helped me get rid of my anxiety

i would highly recommend it

somehow, I'm no longer a highly-neurotic person who morbidly obsesses about things

stopped taking xanax and everything

(p.s.here's a great primer)

mate I think actually going through some seriously troubled lifelong shit makes you a stronger person, more able to overcome shiz.

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

Me too, bro.

  On 12/26/2014 at 9:10 PM, westhead said:

Just been reading through this thread, sounds like a lot of you are having a hard time - sincerely hope you're feeling better soon. This sounds very simplistic but I believe a lot of depression is down to basically thinking too much, then associating with those thoughts and beliefs, they become part of your identity. I'm not good at explaining this, but this guy is: http://www.audiodharma.org/series/87/talk/1834/

 

Meditation worked for anxiety for me. It may not work for you but worth a shot, right?

yep, intelligent people by and large are more likely to over or extra analyse everything, this includes judging all of their actions and their self worth along with it. In a way perhaps it's a self induced depressive state, and given how we realise now the malleability of the brain, you are building those rail road tracks, setting up the path of least resistance through which you wallow and trudge an ever deeper course.

I know these things so flirt with disaster but am not fully fledged in that direction, the furrow that i plow is more pointless repetitive action based, reinforced by fears and anxieties, it's kind of an extra dimension into which you pour all that ridiculous self delusion so that whilst you are down on yourself it is not what you are necessarily focusing on, and on, and on,

I do understand though that it's not an x/y axis based around intelligence, clearly some people are predisposed to depression based a more built in genetic mechanic, i am in no way lessening the suffering of fucked up biomechanics.

gleh, my intrest in the post has lessened, sorry, or you are blessed or whatever.

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:39 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

 

Me too, bro.

 

you guys are to me, core watmm members, if you were in my vicinity you'd get an hug and a meal any day of the week (whether you'd need this kind of probably strange but nevertheless fun and exciting experience well, buck up legends, experience the dleetr luvf [-; ['-] ;-] .. many have tried to be disappointed and failed.)

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:58 AM, delet... said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:39 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

 

Me too, bro.

 

 

you guys are to me, core watmm members, if you were in my vicinity you'd get an hug and a meal any day of the week (whether you'd need this kind of probably strange but nevertheless fun and exciting experience well, buck up legends, experience the dleetr luvf [-; ['-] ;-] .. many have tried to be disappointed and failed.)

 

Thanks, delet. That means a lot. I'll get through this eventually......

[-;

Meh, misquoted old post.

Was reading through this thread and whilst it's not nice to know of fellow watmmers suffering with this blight, it's somewhat comforting to be reminded that it's actually quite common.

  On 12/27/2014 at 4:00 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:58 AM, delet... said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:39 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

 

Me too, bro.

 

 

you guys are to me, core watmm members, if you were in my vicinity you'd get an hug and a meal any day of the week (whether you'd need this kind of probably strange but nevertheless fun and exciting experience well, buck up legends, experience the dleetr luvf [-; ['-] ;-] .. many have tried to be disappointed and failed.)

 

 

Thanks, delet. That means a lot. I'll get through this eventually......

 

one thing that i've noticed from myself, is that you should never be embarrassed out of speaking joy, if something is positive to you, no matter whence the direction or idiom, there should be no conundrum in verbalising it, especially amongst friends. There are no silly or foolish or guarded moments here, those concepts are but placeholders, not definers, they only exist along with the smile on our faces as we read the forward momentum of a fellow dressed down and ready to flow.

yair yair, taek mie advies naeplae'ers

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:39 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

 

Me too, bro.

 

pshh, i love you guys

someday we'll run into each other and I'll buy you guys a drunk

as we all should say, when i'm the billionaire, you bitches is invited to my hazing by trump (who isn't a billionaire but will do anything for that sweet swinging moularnaise).

  On 12/26/2014 at 8:47 PM, MadameChaos said:

Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

 

Why did you end up in hospital?

No suicide attempts but heavy ideation and some forms of moving toward it (I don't want to go into detail). And yeah, I think I'm just dissociated a bit, which makes everything feel fake. In actuality I probably am just a social guy.

Also, so as not to freak anyone here out, the ideation is not nearly as bad anymore, which is why they let me out.

  On 12/27/2014 at 4:00 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:58 AM, delet... said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 3:39 AM, flim said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 2:49 PM, MIXL2 said:

I am very lonely.

Me too, bro.

you guys are to me, core watmm members, if you were in my vicinity you'd get an hug and a meal any day of the week (whether you'd need this kind of probably strange but nevertheless fun and exciting experience well, buck up legends, experience the dleetr luvf [-; ['-] ;-] .. many have tried to be disappointed and failed.)

Thanks, delet. That means a lot. I'll get through this eventually......

edit:

  On 12/26/2014 at 3:33 PM, goDel said:

Being lonely during the holidays. Oooo, it's that time of the year again...

 

Good luck to everyone with the tendency to comply to social norms - like gathering around a decorated tree with a bunch of people - even if you hate them. Those social norms, I mean. Not the people. At least, not necessarily those people. You can hate them as well, but that was not the point I was trying to make. Whatevs. Good luck all.

It just started to snow today.

I'm celebrating by reading the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, which I promised myself I would finish reading two years ago, so I'm finishing it now.

  On 12/27/2014 at 9:25 AM, gmanyo said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 8:47 PM, MadameChaos said:

Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

 

Why did you end up in hospital?

No suicide attempts but heavy ideation and some forms of moving toward it (I don't want to go into detail). And yeah, I think I'm just dissociated a bit, which makes everything feel fake. In actuality I probably am just a social guy.

 

Also, so as not to freak anyone here out, the ideation is not nearly as bad anymore, which is why they let me out.

  On 12/27/2014 at 1:00 PM, MadameChaos said:

 

  On 12/27/2014 at 9:25 AM, gmanyo said:

 

  On 12/26/2014 at 8:47 PM, MadameChaos said:

Hmmm yeah I went through a period where I was very self analytical and felt like the "joker" side of me was fake, but then I took a step back and asked myself why I.thought I was being fake. I came to the conclusion that I was being overly self critical and that the funny side if myself was part of who.I am.and just to enjoy it.

 

Why did you end up in hospital?

No suicide attempts but heavy ideation and some forms of moving toward it (I don't want to go into detail). And yeah, I think I'm just dissociated a bit, which makes everything feel fake. In actuality I probably am just a social guy.

 

Also, so as not to freak anyone here out, the ideation is not nearly as bad anymore, which is why they let me out.

Oh dear that doesn't sound good. At the risk of repeating what someone else may have said, have you tried counselling?

 

I see a counselor and a psychiatrist every month, and I'm seeing a different counselor at the moment while on vacation visiting my parents in Taiwan, and I'm going to Skype my counselor in the US in a few days. And as stated before, I take a bunch of medication for it.

Have you only seen one doctor? If the meds aren't working perhaps it might be wise to try something else. Getting better really depends on getting the right treatment.

Not the first psych I've tried, and I'm changing my drugs up a bit at the moment, added one while I was in the hospital. My counselor is good, and I like my current psych. I'm getting good care atm, which definitely helps.

Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

  On 12/27/2014 at 5:41 PM, MadameChaos said:

Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

For the rush.... ;)