Post terrible idea for films

  On 6/2/2014 at 10:48 PM, baph said:

Mike is your everyday guy; hard-working, loyal, and unassuming. But Mike has a secret: he used to be the President! After an assassination attempt, Mike had used his CIA pals to fake his death so that he could live the small town life he so sorely missed. But a chance encounter with the exiled president of Venezuela -- now a small-town drag queen named Miss Firez -- rekindles Mike's penchant for political intrigue... and his passion for love!

 

Can this unlikely couple save America from itself? Find out this summer!

 

Miss Identification!

Starring Noah Wyle and Dwayne Johnson

FLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  On 6/2/2014 at 8:25 PM, doublename said:

Remake 1993 Sly Stallone vehicle Cliffhanger.

http://mobile.theverge.com/2014/5/31/5767904/stallone-cliffhanger-movie-remake

a film called 'meta', which is about the efforts of the protagonist (played by nicholas cage) to get funding to make a film called 'meta', which is about the efforts of the protagonist (played by nicholas cage) to get funding to make a film called 'meta', which is about the efforts of the protagonist (played by nicholas cage) to get funding to make a film called 'nicholas cage'.

Willy Wankers and the Abbatoir. 6 young children are given a tour of a meat processing facility by George Monbiot, who uses the opportunity to discuss a Land Value Tax with them. Unbeknownst to George the facility is run by a paedophile ring composed of high court judges, senior police officers and a 1970s TV presenter. George Monbiot plays himself and all other adult roles.

Nazi Germany is about to lose World War II but it has invented a machine that enables teleportation through space and time. Hitler, Goring and Hess enter the machine with the plan to go back to the 1930s USA to overthrow the American government in order to change the course of World War II. They disguise themselves as regular German tourists so they won't be recognised (Hitler shaves off his moustache and gets a different haircut). The machine glitches, though. Hitler, Goring and Hess end up being teleported to a parallel universe where the fictitious world of the 1990s episodes of the TV series "The Bold and the Beautiful" is reality and nothing else exists. At first Hitler, Goring and Hess don't realise that the machine has malfunctioned and they try to follow their plan. Presenting themselves as lost German tourists, they make contact with the characters of "The Bold and the Beautiful" and try figure out where they are and how to find the US government. The film then details how Hitler, Goring and Hess are initially confused and then frustrated and alienated as they come to realise that they are confined to a world that consists of only 100 square meters of space and about 20 people. They will not find a way out.

i came into this thread thinking i could contribute, but you guys have some really great terrible ideas and i just don't think i could match

A film with Patrick Swayze, Jeff Bridges, Kurt Russel, and Kevin Bacon. The four of them all happen to be going to the same restaurant, The Emerald Tavern, for a blind date. Their dates get horribly confused about who is who, one thinking Kurt Russel is Jeff Bridges, another thinking Patrick Swayze is Kevin Bacon. Eventually our four heroes meet in the bathroom and discover that they all look identical, and agree to switch their girlfriends up frequently so that things stay fresh. They leave the bathroom only to find the restaurant reduced to rubble. A nuke has destroyed the entire city. Some how the bathroom survived unscathed. It turns out World War 3 has started and the Earth's population has all but been wiped out. All of their girlfriends have disappeared, captured by the maleficent allegiance of sand worms, a shape-shifting alien from the south pole, a sentient race of viral AI's, and a small town tycoon who runs a rival restaurant to the Emerald Tavern. Our heroes join forces to defeat this evil alliance, rescue their girlfriends, and repopulate the earth.

Mad Max: 126 minutes of a man named Max (played by Russell Crowe) being on hold after discovering an error by the IRS has caused him to overpay his taxes by $53.48. After the first ten minutes, he becomes increasingly angry.

"Feed the Tree": John Cusack awakens from a twenty year coma, but he still can't get Belly's 1993 alternative radio hit out of his head!

a documentary about watmm

Terrible idea for films? How about this: Fucking spend hundreds of millions of dollars for a forgettable, no-depth, no-narrative, no-emotion, no-creativity production.

Yes, Hollywood-- you are terrible.

A handsome man from a wealthy background glides comfortably through life without a single hitch.

Michael Bay's a Goofy Movie featuring Chris Rock and Marky Mark in a live action remake.

Iiii dunno..... Most of this thread is ideas that are actually pretty good.

The game Balderdash is great for this:

"A man with buttocks for hands finally gets laid when he goes to a disco for people with things for hands that aren't actually hands"

Space Amoeba from Outer Space: In the not too distant future, the ozone layer and all the clouds in the sky inexplicably vanish. Battered by solar radiation, it is a race against time to find out what's going on before the whole world is destroyed. Scientists discover the cause of the problem to be a giant alien amoeba that drifts through the galaxy feeding on O3. All the world leaders get together and a plan is devised to use most of the world's resources to build a really pointy plane. A farmer is chosen at random to pilot the plane, and he is trained how to do so in a thorough montage sequence set to 'Push It to the Limit'. He bravely flies the plane around the world so as to approach the amoeba from behind before piloting the pointy aircraft directly into the anus of the unsuspecting alien menace. The membrane is pierced and the amoeba deflates like a balloon, streaking across the sky and replenishing the ozone layer as it goes. Feeling thoroughly violated, the amoeba retreats back into the vastness of space from whence it came. The hero and the plane are lost deep in it's digestive tract, but a statue of the heroic feat is erected in his honour. The whole of humanity has been united by the experience, and a new age of mankind begins.

A caper comedy that follows the travels of an old man who always ends up in convenient sitautions spouting shit one-liners in front of superheroes.

Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em the Movie

Tom Hardy stars as Frank Spencer, the berrett wearing clutz who shouldn't be let near a pair of roller skates. A large section of this film will be taken up by a hair raising action sequence involving Frank being stuck on some roller skates and narrowly avoiding death on several occasions while careering through shopping centres and along busy roads. There will be no CGI and Tom will have to do all the stunts himself. To make the film more universally appealing Frank is now American and lives in LA. His wife Betty is played by Scarlett Yohanssen. Also Michael Fassbender can show up as Frank Sidebottom in it for no apparent reason.

  On 6/3/2014 at 11:38 AM, Gary C said:

A caper comedy that follows the travels of an old man who always ends up in convenient sitautions spouting shit one-liners in front of superheroes.

Like "i'd fuck her right in the pussy"

God in his cabinet. A god-looking person sits in his paradise cabinet and tries to fulfill wishes of people begging for God's assistance. Tits are delivering them to him. He only makes it worse everytime. He ends up giving up his asshole to devil to fuck.

Friends: The Movie

Joey and the other ones get back together again for exactly 92 minutes of in-jokes, capers and scrapes. One scene is a pizza delivery moped being chased by Monica who is passenger in a taxi "Follow that pizza delivery guy!" she says and then when they catch up she realises its Joey "Oh you guys!!!!"

The main plot is still a very much TBC "secret" but it involves Phoebe writing a musical for Broadway and there is a big song and dance scene near the end and there are some fireworks and somebody gets married to someone else and Joey is late but says "Wasssssuppppppppp" as he arrives in a cab and the Rembrandts are the wedding band and they sing the title song (which also appears at 5 other points throughout the film in various remixes by Skrillex, David Guetta and The Pet Shop boys. Album due out June 2015)

Also there are some super secret Hollywood cameo's throughout the film, big hitting names such as Kevin "Tremors" Bacon (starring as: the new hunky guy next door who manages to "woo" both Monica and Rachel

, Danny "Lethal Weapon" Glover (starring as: The Taxi Driver) and Carmen Electra (starring as: the broadway dame)

Not recorded in front of a live studio audience. No laughter to help prompt you to the bits that are meant to be funny.

*edit* news just in - Carmen Electra has walked out of her role on the film, saying that it did not fulfil her needs. A replacement is yet to be sought.

*double edit* to be directed by Richard "Notting Hill / Love Actually" Curtis. Screenplay by Joey.

A Pixar animated musical about gay vampires getting AIDS and facing mortality. All expressed poignantly through songs by Meatloaf and Eddie Vedder.

Titanic 2

Whilst we were lead to believe at the end of the first movie that the ship Titanic actually sank, well...

It didn't.

This is the story about how the surviving passengers of the good ship titanic manage to patch up the breach in the hull as its going down, bale out a load of water, and get it buoyant again. They continue on their journey only to hit an ever bigger iceberg and face even more certain peril. There are explosions and fire and shitstorms of bad luck.

Theme song by Shania Twain.

Starring Daniel Radcliffe as the happy-go-lucky Irish lad with but a penny to his name and fortune on his side, who meets flighty starlet upper class twit girl played by Natalie Portman.

Directed by Michael Bay.

Out soon.

  On 6/3/2014 at 1:33 PM, Candiru said:

A Pixar animated musical about gay vampires getting AIDS and facing mortality. All expressed poignantly through songs by Meatloaf and Eddie Vedder.

Would sweep the Oscar's. Seriously.

Alien 5

Ellen Ripley is awakened in hyper sleep aboard the Sulaco. Confused, she slowly rises and thinks hard about where she is and what has happened. She realizes that her bizarre escapades on a prison planet where she dies and then is resurrected and brought aboard a cargo vessel as a hybrid alien human were just dreams. She checks on the other passengers. Sadly Hicks has died in hyper sleep from the injuries sustained in their battle on LV426. Newt is still alive and sleeping soundly. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, Ellen finds herself connecting the remains of Bishop so that she can have someone to talk to. This is the recording of their profound conversations about life, the universe, and our bleak and insignificant place on it.

Done all Dogma 95 style. Directed by Lars Von Trier.

  On 6/3/2014 at 6:47 AM, peace 7 said:

Terrible idea for films? How about this: Fucking spend hundreds of millions of dollars for a forgettable, no-depth, no-narrative, no-emotion, no-creativity production.

 

Yes, Hollywood-- you are terrible.

that's my jazz