Your pointless thoughts & observations

  On 12/12/2017 at 8:57 AM, span said:

so I was thinking... there's this girl I've always ever seen with a coat on so I dont know if she's actually hot or not, which got me thinking, how do people judge body types in places where it's always cold? cause at least here it gets warm and there's no hiding most of the year, but in places where it's always cold you won't know til the moment of truth. Then I realized even in cold places there's things such as "heating", "social media" and, well, "being indoors". It took me like 5 minutes to think of this. A truly pointless train of thought

Or if you're blind and never know until you get to the touching.

  On 12/13/2017 at 3:12 AM, auxien said:

 

  On 12/12/2017 at 8:57 AM, span said:

so I was thinking... there's this girl I've always ever seen with a coat on so I dont know if she's actually hot or not, which got me thinking, how do people judge body types in places where it's always cold? cause at least here it gets warm and there's no hiding most of the year, but in places where it's always cold you won't know til the moment of truth. Then I realized even in cold places there's things such as "heating", "social media" and, well, "being indoors". It took me like 5 minutes to think of this. A truly pointless train of thought

 

Or if you're blind and never know until you get to the touching.

 

woah yeah... how's that work? do you get a preemptive pass?

Enemy of the Music Business is the best Napalm Death album.

i need to get a dog. 

  On 12/13/2017 at 9:05 PM, Bechuga said:

Enemy of the Music Business is the best Napalm Death album.

It’s a worthy one fo sho

It can never not be "today". It's always "today".

It's never yesterday or tomorrow.

  On 12/15/2017 at 9:35 PM, Bulk VanderHooj said:

It can never not be "today". It's always "today".

 

It's never yesterday or tomorrow.

lol I've never seen that before.

Imdb tells me that Reginald VelJohnson was born in 1952 making him 36 when he played Sgt. Al Powell in Die Hard. My brain is finding this hard to accept.

Recently downloaded all 10 seasons...  Synchronicity...  Anyhow plum, you're onto something with the Mark R thang.

sneaksta is back <3

never buy a wicker coffee table

  On 12/15/2017 at 9:35 PM, Bulk VanderHooj said:

It can never not be "today". It's always "today".

 

It's never yesterday or tomorrow.

It is always the current year, yes. 

  On 12/12/2017 at 7:54 AM, clarktrent said:

I hate the term "world music" so much, it's worse and makes even less sense than "alternative" or "experimental. Fucking offensive too, no one has ever called music from foreign western countries "world music" before. Such eurocentric bullshit, all music is world music last time I checked

Nah its North America centric, you normally find euro folk (incl british isles) in the World Music section, at least in the shitty HMV I still occasionally wander into while my wif's getting her hair cut

2pac was a gay man and Eminem is into plastic surgery

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS ABOUT 2017

A. remained dedicated to improving my physical health (gym, yoga, eating right) throughout the year, even when I was dead broke and//or living outdoors. Feeling like I'm in better shape than I have been in my life (it was cool seeing the appearance of my core improve rapidly over the summer because most of the gut situation had been posture problems from being a former fat kid rather than actual lingering fat). Still work to be done as always but I'm confident I can keep at it assuming I don't remain homeless for very long.

B. quite disciplined in general, maintaining a rigourous daily schedule//diet//budget//etc., working on music for hours a day. Hard to say if this feels like a good thing or a bad thing tbh...when i'm not doing it i just feel like life is wasting away but when i am doing it i start to get paranoid after a few weeks, like "is this actually helping or am I just turning into a hermit consumed with arbitrary tasks that aren't making me happy?"

C. haven't meditated as much as I'd like to, haven't been as mindful as i've wanted to, psychedelic explorations were very rare & when they did happen often felt embarassing or unneeded, so idunno. feeling like some kind of spiritual component has been lacking from my life or replaced with machinist stand-ins.

D. making a lot of music (put out three albums so far this year!) & feeling like i'm giving it an honest go & even trying out new ideas, but indunnnnno. i feel like i'm in a bit of a rut artistically tbh. not getting that tingly head feeling even when the material seems strong to me. don't feel like i'm exploring the kind of media i want to or expressing the things i want to. feels like i'm generally not reaching people. feeling more & more cut off. also haven't been engaging with art much in any form (even just going on the internet)

E. social life has atrophied even though I generally feel more confident & people seem drawn to me. Hard to resist growing feelings of bitterness or disillusionment, feeling like i might be turning into a crusty old piece of shit sometimes. don't feel super connected to anyone, trust issues, uninspired by the world around me. Emotional conversations feel false or masturbatory. feel lonely but also consistently ignoring opportunities to socialize.

F. had one romantic relationship that lasted several months. felt consistently bored & unfulfilled & as though it was running counter to all the things i wanted to develop in my life. felt like i was mostly just going along with it for her sake & then ended up feeling like a misleading piece of shit for doing that. in general being made aware repeatedly of this tendency i have to want to help ppl by giving them what i think they want instead of doing what i want, and then having them perceive me as detached//manipulative, and no one is happy.

G. feel like i'm getting sexual//romantic attention more often in general & in theory i want it, yet still having trouble shaking this feeling that it's going against "the plan" whenever i engage (even though as said before "the plan" has felt vague & dissatisfying for the most part)

H. have not been taking care of my mental health. still repeating troubling patterns of behaviour that hurt myself & others, still feeling blocked. still trying to treat it myself with random acts of self-discipline instead of seeking out professional help

I. working steadily & saving money, still minimum wage dishwashing job tho. don't dislike it as far as work goes but i'm almost in the 27 club & starting to wonder what i'm doing with my life.

J. still in montreal & the main motivation has been "there's techno here//there's educated ppl here" but i'm not going out or meeting people or even making an attempt to be a part of the music scene so it's all just feeling like bad air & a language i don't really speak at the moment

THINGS I WANT IN 2018

A. live closer to nature, work with the land

B. engage with art more out of genuine enjoyment & less as this obsession with self-discipline to prove a point & "the work"

C. dance more often, whether that be alone or socially

D. stay on the health game

E. stop putting up with unsatisfying situations just to not rock the boat

F. rock the boat more

G. meditate more

H. live alone or only with ppl who don't feel like they're trying to guide my life

I. say what's on my mind more

J. get laid more & only with ppl i'm actually interested in

K. put my work & my voice out in the world more

L. stop waiting around for life in this city to get good for me

Chelsea Wolfe touring with Ministry for their latest shitty new album in a long line of shitty albums is like... putting a beautiful, sleek gazelle on display next to a pack of shit-flinging monkeys. I don't know who thought they would go well together. I don't know how she thinks that.

bands who peaked long ago (and whose peak material you love) and desperately need to pack it in but just won't are some of the most painful things to witness in the known universe.

it takes 1/2 a bottle of wine per day to survive holidays in miami. 

  On 12/20/2017 at 6:36 AM, usagi said:

Chelsea Wolfe touring with Ministry for their latest shitty new album in a long line of shitty albums is like... putting a beautiful, sleek gazelle on display next to a pack of shit-flinging monkeys. I don't know who thought they would go well together. I don't know how she thinks that.

 

bands who peaked long ago (and whose peak material you love) and desperately need to pack it in but just won't are some of the most painful things to witness in the known universe.

isn't Al Jourgensen the only original member of the band? pretty sure Paul Barker split in the early 2000s.  no idea who's in the band these days other than Al. 

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with a pretty major dilemma that I honestly have no idea how to deal with. I’ve been involved with someone for almost 3 years at this point and while they’ve struggled with personal demons ever since I’ve known them, it’s starting to become an extreme burden on me personally. Out of respect of their privacy I won’t go into specifics about the problems they’re facing, but I will say that this person’s mental state has been severely deteriorating over the last year. While I am very sensitive and understanding of the immense problems they have been dealing with, it’s gotten to the point where both of our lives are being put to a screeching halt due to complications with mental illness. I am very afraid of moving on from this person because of the effect it might have on them and myself, but I have no clue what to do.

Sorry if 2 personal 4 watmm, but some advice would really help right now.

  On 12/20/2017 at 7:02 AM, clarktrent said:

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with a pretty major dilemma that I honestly have no idea how to deal with. I’ve been involved with someone for almost 3 years at this point and while they’ve struggled with personal demons ever since I’ve known them, it’s starting to become an extreme burden on me personally. Out of respect of their privacy I won’t go into specifics about the problems they’re facing, but I will say that this person’s mental state has been severely deteriorating over the last year. While I am very sensitive and understanding of the immense problems they have been dealing with, it’s gotten to the point where both of our lives are being put to a screeching halt due to complications with mental illness. I am very afraid of moving on from this person because of the effect it might have on them and myself, but I have no clue what to do.

 

Sorry if 2 personal 4 watmm, but some advice would really help right now.

probably seek advice from a relationship counselor who has experience dealing with people who have difficult partners struggling with mental illness. do not take advice from internet relationship 'experts' who will usually default to "just leave". leaving may well end up being the answer, but it sounds like that process needs to be managed responsibly for both of you to come out of it right and for your partner to not hurt/kill themselves.

  On 12/20/2017 at 7:02 AM, clarktrent said:

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with a pretty major dilemma that I honestly have no idea how to deal with. I’ve been involved with someone for almost 3 years at this point and while they’ve struggled with personal demons ever since I’ve known them, it’s starting to become an extreme burden on me personally. Out of respect of their privacy I won’t go into specifics about the problems they’re facing, but I will say that this person’s mental state has been severely deteriorating over the last year. While I am very sensitive and understanding of the immense problems they have been dealing with, it’s gotten to the point where both of our lives are being put to a screeching halt due to complications with mental illness. I am very afraid of moving on from this person because of the effect it might have on them and myself, but I have no clue what to do.

 

Sorry if 2 personal 4 watmm, but some advice would really help right now.

you gotta move on m8, break contact and think about yourself

^ before they set your house and cats on fire