Online Dating Horror Stories

Rather than stink up the SFWP thread, I thought I'd create one that specifically relates to this destructive new path I've laid out for myself.  I've nothing to offer just yet, but my first date is happening tomorrow.  Prepare me for the worst, watmm.

(She seems lovely though, and no doubt my nightmares will be a little further down the road if WHEN they happen.)

First date of this year, post-breakup with girl I'd been seeing for a year.

I matched with a surly Scottish one, which I liked. Grumpy pics but looked nice (should've noted the red flag that was no full shots, every pic was from the neck up). We agreed to meet in Soho Square for a few drinks.

I saw her before she saw me and I nearly bailed, but decided I'm not *that* much of an arsehole. She was about 4ft tall and 4ft wide. A ball of woman. She'd also managed one of those mystical camera angles to make her look attractive. In reality her face was weirdly crumpled/inverted like she'd taken a cannon ball to it. Teeth like a bag of broken chipsticks.

When I was relating this later to my ex-houemate who's now a friend, she said "aw, did she at least have a nice personality?"

No.

She was a 4chan alt-right type, she'd been to see Jordan Peterson live. When I mentioned my online life was mostly confined to a forum and a discord chatroom she had the fucking cheek to say "discord? Isn't that full of racists/people saying the n-word etc?" This woman had been on 4chan for the last 10yrs. She self identified as a TERF and in addition to all the edgelording was weirdly puritanical and prudish. Admitted she fell out with her best friend because "she was a slut". She also called me a 'degenerate' when I said I'd slept with a few women on first dates.

Luckily she was very clear about not being interested in pursuing anything with me, seeing as I was such a degenerate

  On 9/14/2019 at 9:53 AM, hello spiral said:

She was about 4ft tall and 4ft wide. A ball of woman. She'd also managed one of those mystical camera angles to make her look attractive. In reality her face was weirdly crumpled/inverted like she'd taken a cannon ball to it. Teeth like a bag of broken chipsticks.

Bonus points for illustrations. 

I was thinking about starting a this kind of thread a few years back but I was paranoid that my exs and former dates will find my stories via my soundcloud and bandcamp links.. and most of them really aren't much of horror stories, more like bizarre adventures.

Well, ok.. I once went on a date with this girl who was cute and had similar taste in music as me, but more of a hippie/bohemian than me. So when we were setting up our first date she suggested something like stealing a car first and then going to steal beer from a supermarket and going drunk driving. I thought it was a joke, but then the date happened. Well, we didn't actually steal a car but when we went into a bar she tried to steal a bunch of shit from the bar starting from the beer glasses but also a big ass neon sign indoors for which she was asking if I'm carrying a screwdriver. Then she got angry that I actually wanted to buy a ticket for the train on the way back home and not just ride for free. We didn't meet again because we both agreed we aren't really "compatible". She also found it curious that I have an "actual job".

Another artsy chick I went on a date with actually brought a folder of pencil drawings she had made of a guy she had a crush on.. well, she was actually very good at drawing and super shy. That was the only date though. I hope she's ok really because she's a very warm hearted person but very confused also and is really never far from trouble based on the stories she told me..

  On 9/14/2019 at 11:32 AM, zkom said:

I was thinking about starting a this kind of thread a few years back but I was paranoid that my exs and former dates will find my stories via my soundcloud and bandcamp links.. and most of them really aren't much of horror stories, more like bizarre adventures.

Well, ok.. I once went on a date with this girl who was cute and had similar taste in music as me, but more of a hippie/bohemian than me. So when we were setting up our first date she suggested something like stealing a car first and then going to steal beer from a supermarket and going drunk driving. I thought it was a joke, but then the date happened. Well, we didn't actually steal a car but when we went into a bar she tried to steal a bunch of shit from the bar starting from the beer glasses but also a big ass neon sign indoors for which she was asking if I'm carrying a screwdriver. Then she got angry that I actually wanted to buy a ticket for the train on the way back home and not just ride for free. We didn't meet again because we both agreed we aren't really "compatible". She also found it curious that I have an "actual job".

Another artsy chick I went on a date with actually brought a folder of pencil drawings she had made of a guy she had a crush on.. well, she was actually very good at drawing and super shy. That was the only date though. I hope she's ok really because she's a very warm hearted person but very confused also and is really never far from trouble based on the stories she told me..

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I'm sure all this happened, to a tee.

  On 9/14/2019 at 3:07 PM, sine nomine said:

I'm sure all this happened, to a tee.

Well, believe what you want. I did leave out some details that would make the stories a bit crazier but they could identify the people or possibly incriminate in this case.

Anyway, I can safely say that I've been over my "quirky girl" fetish for years now.

I think I will enjoy this thread 

  On 9/14/2019 at 11:32 AM, zkom said:

Well, we didn't actually steal a car but when we went into a bar she tried to steal a bunch of shit from the bar starting from the beer glasses but also a big ass neon sign indoors for which she was asking if I'm carrying a screwdriver. 

Hahah if true that's brilliant. Flol.

I haven't touched any dating site in two years. And honestly I probably won't again, even tho I'm on track to getting in better physical shape.

I'm sure it starts out fun. But then comes the bullshit right. "You used to be interesting" "I wanna get a house and have babies" "You need to make more money" So nah, fuck it.

  On 9/14/2019 at 7:10 PM, ambergonk said:

I haven't touched any dating site in two years. And honestly I probably won't again, even tho I'm on track to getting in better physical shape.

I'm sure it starts out fun. But then comes the bullshit right. "You used to be interesting" "I wanna get a house and have babies" "You need to make more money" So nah, fuck it.

classic ambergonk

  On 9/14/2019 at 11:32 AM, zkom said:

I was thinking about starting a this kind of thread a few years back but I was paranoid that my exs and former dates will find my stories via my soundcloud and bandcamp links..

Ahaha yes, this idea passed through my head too.  But figure anyone I end up settling with is going to appreciate a good online dating horror story, so they'll understand.  Thanks for the anecdotes - those both sound like pretty fun experiences/interesting people to have met.  I'm hoping to gain some interesting experiences from this, if nothing else.

  On 9/14/2019 at 7:10 PM, ambergonk said:

I haven't touched any dating site in two years. And honestly I probably won't again, even tho I'm on track to getting in better physical shape.

I'm sure it starts out fun. But then comes the bullshit right. "You used to be interesting" "I wanna get a house and have babies" "You need to make more money" So nah, fuck it.

need a bit of fresh air from the sweaty Aphex Wankfest goin' on over yore. This was a most refreshing read, a perfect tonic!

Well, the date was a surprising success.  Conversation was easy.  She seemed really kind, intelligent, genuine.  Appeared to view me much the same.  But it becomes a horror story because her motherfucking contact didn't save to my phone for some reason!   So now I'm certain she's going to take a long hiatus from her dating apps, knowing the last date worked out.  Then after several days with no contact from me she'll figure I freaked out and bailed on persuing any kind of relationship, fall into a horrible rejection-fueled depression, turn to hard drugs, etc.  All because her contact didn't save to my phone.

But hopefully she just checks her app messages and all is hunky-dory.  Won't do this thread much good tho.

ditch her and date some trainwrecks. for the good of the thread.

I will try my damnedest.

  On 9/15/2019 at 3:40 AM, auxien said:

ditch her and date some trainwrecks. for the good of the thread.

agreed

Burgers and bitches, am I right ?

  On 9/14/2019 at 3:59 PM, zkom said:

Well, believe what you want. I did leave out some details that would make the stories a bit crazier but they could identify the people or possibly incriminate in this case.

Anyway, I can safely say that I've been over my "quirky girl" fetish for years now.

My life is no where near as exciting thats all haha

  On 9/14/2019 at 3:59 PM, zkom said:

Well, believe what you want. I did leave out some details that would make the stories a bit crazier but they could identify the people or possibly incriminate in this case.

Anyway, I can safely say that I've been over my "quirky girl" fetish for years now.

Quirky girls are the fucking worst.

I’ve come to realize how boring and old fashioned I really am. 

  On 9/15/2019 at 7:49 AM, yekker said:

Burgers and bitches, am I right ?

You are so right.

  On 9/15/2019 at 8:19 AM, sine nomine said:

My life is no where near as exciting thats all haha

These two dates were a few years back when I had recently come out of a long relationship and after a brief hermit period I started to go out on a lot of dates without much thinking so some interesting things also happened.

  On 9/15/2019 at 8:58 AM, Candiru said:

Quirky girls are the fucking worst.

I’ve come to realize how boring and old fashioned I really am. 

My current gf is also pretty crazy but she's crazy in a similar way that I am, so I can handle it. Like she decided to go on a holiday in Iran without knowing much about the country like a) there's a dresscode for women b) none of the foreign credit and debit cards work there c) it's ramadan so all the restaurants are closed during the day. But she ended up having good time anyway.

A year ago I myself bought a one way ticket to Cape Town without much planning just thinking I'll travel around Africa and come back when I get bored. I actually ended up coming back via Iran also.

So mebbe I'm a bit quirky myself also.. And probably some of my former dates could tell horror stories about me..

I wonder if that sphere-shaped Scottish lass that Hello Spiral dated is related to Count Dankula

Aren't they all related up there?  

I slept with an American citizen and was caught in flagrante by her boyfriend who made me get the fuck off the property. It was such a cliché thing to happen but it did

  On 9/17/2019 at 10:27 PM, darreichungsform said:

I slept with an American citizen and was caught in flagrante by her boyfriend who made me get the fuck off the property. It was such a cliché thing to happen but it did

did you take his job too? otherwise 0/10