Online Dating Horror Stories

I only have an online dating success story, sorry

Yeah those aren't nearly as fun.  So far I've only had one date and it went really well, seems like it will continue in some capacity (possibly just friendship, but who knows).  I am tempted to pay for the 6 month deal on okcupid.  It's not even $50, which isn't an amount I'm ever going to miss.  If nothing works out in that time span I'll know online dating isn't for me.  If it does work out, $50 is such a small amount to pay for what could be a long term relationship, or even a series of interesting experiences I'd never have otherwise - sure I'd work 2 hours for that.  Only downside is that I may be supporting a shit company (if most of what I've read is true).  But they're going to be swimming in riches with or without my help.

One time a girl said she had to cut the date short because she had to pick up meat from the butcher’s shop before they closed. I figured it was a weirdly elaborate way to say she wasn’t into it, but she sent me a picture of a giant pile of ribs later that night and we went out a few more times. Go figure. 

Your asscheeks deserve everything they get

I don't know if this really counts, but last year I was seeing this guy off and on who was really nice etc, but had the worst halitosis I have EVER come across.

It was like a a bear ate a load of rotting deer entrails and then shat in his mouth, seriously fucking bad. I had to sit a certain distance away from him at all times.

We got on really well but I had to break it off in the end as I couldn't bear being within 3 feet of his smelly mouth. THE END.

  On 9/19/2019 at 3:20 PM, Lada Laika said:

One time a girl said she had to cut the date short because she had to pick up meat from the butcher’s shop before they closed. I figured it was a weirdly elaborate way to say she wasn’t into it, but she sent me a picture of a giant pile of ribs later that night and we went out a few more times. Go figure. 

did she happen to have an Adams apple?

  On 9/19/2019 at 6:52 PM, MadameChaos said:

did she happen to have an Adams apple?

No, just a mole that she argued vehemently was a third nipple.

  On 9/19/2019 at 5:54 PM, MadameChaos said:

It was like a a bear ate a load of rotting deer entrails and then shat in his mouth, seriously fucking bad. I had to sit a certain distance away from him at all times.

Great description.  I think that would probably be a deal breaker for me.  There are some people who just have a severely impaired sense of smell, so possibly have no idea they stink like shit.  Did you tell him? 

As a coffee drinker, I make sure I do a lot of tongue brushing/tic tac sucking.

For a good breath it's important to flush the coffee with a bit of beer

  On 9/19/2019 at 9:49 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

Great description.  I think that would probably be a deal breaker for me.  There are some people who just have a severely impaired sense of smell, so possibly have no idea they stink like shit.  Did you tell him? 

As a coffee drinker, I make sure I do a lot of tongue brushing/tic tac sucking.

This was really bad, much worse than anything that can be caused by a bit of mild and casual oral hygiene neglect, I think it was the last (or second to last) time I met up with him when I got close enough to see that most of his gums were completely rotten. I have no idea how long you would have to neglect tooth brushing to get to this state, and I have no idea what you would have to do to fix it. In any case it was a deal breaker sadly.

No I didn't tell him, I didn't have the guts to to be honest. Part of me felt like he knew? IDK

Anyway I have a better story I just remembered about a guy who I met with only once. Another OK Cupid mistake. This guy said he was a photographer and when I met up with him was at least 10 years older than in his photo (not just a female thing). it turned out he took photos for real estate agents, and he rode a fixey bike. He also mentioned he had kids but "never had time to see them", needless to say the conversation dried up pretty fast. At which point he saw fit to ask me the question "so do you do anal?". At this point  I just said, "I'm going to go now", and literally ran as fast as I could out of the door.

Oh wow.  Next time there's an awkward pause in a date convo I'll have to pull out the "so do you do anal" line.  Oughtta win me some points.

That's unfortunate about the rotting gums thing.  I guess there's really not much a person can do at that point, in which case good call on not pointing it out.

  On 9/19/2019 at 11:13 PM, MadameChaos said:

This was really bad, much worse than anything that can be caused by a bit of mild and casual oral hygiene neglect, I think it was the last (or second to last) time I met up with him when I got close enough to see that most of his gums were completely rotten. I have no idea how long you would have to neglect tooth brushing to get to this state, and I have no idea what you would have to do to fix it. In any case it was a deal breaker sadly.

No I didn't tell him, I didn't have the guts to to be honest. Part of me felt like he knew? IDK

Anyway I have a better story I just remembered about a guy who I met with only once. Another OK Cupid mistake. This guy said he was a photographer and when I met up with him was at least 10 years older than in his photo (not just a female thing). it turned out he took photos for real estate agents, and he rode a fixey bike. He also mentioned he had kids but "never had time to see them", needless to say the conversation dried up pretty fast. At which point he saw fit to ask me the question "so do you do anal?". At this point  I just said, "I'm going to go now", and literally ran as fast as I could out of the door.

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British, innit ?

  On 9/19/2019 at 11:13 PM, MadameChaos said:

This was really bad, much worse than anything that can be caused by a bit of mild and casual oral hygiene neglect, I think it was the last (or second to last) time I met up with him when I got close enough to see that most of his gums were completely rotten. I have no idea how long you would have to neglect tooth brushing to get to this state, and I have no idea what you would have to do to fix it. In any case it was a deal breaker sadly.

No I didn't tell him, I didn't have the guts to to be honest. Part of me felt like he knew? IDK

Anyway I have a better story I just remembered about a guy who I met with only once. Another OK Cupid mistake. This guy said he was a photographer and when I met up with him was at least 10 years older than in his photo (not just a female thing). it turned out he took photos for real estate agents, and he rode a fixey bike. He also mentioned he had kids but "never had time to see them", needless to say the conversation dried up pretty fast. At which point he saw fit to ask me the question "so do you do anal?". At this point  I just said, "I'm going to go now", and literally ran as fast as I could out of the door.

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Most of the online dating stories are pretty boring, to be honest. However, the last one I ever went on was kind of interesting.

She asked me to meet her at a venue since it was an early show and we would go for a drink afterward. I ended up hanging out with her friends at the venue's bar for like two hours. She seemed more preoccupied with talking to them than to me. That's kind of weird, but whatever. They all came together, so I get it.

So we head to another bar after that and I can't get a word in. At one point I noticed I had three drinks before she finished her first and just succumbed to the idea that I was going to get really drunk while she talks for hours. The bartender walked over at one point and said that her drink was going to get warm.

Shortly thereafter, we head out for a taco wherein she's still talking for most of the conversation. It gets to a point where we're saying goodbye for the night. She wants to give me a kiss, but I side-faced it and said maybe it was better that we just be friends. It was awkward (possibly on account of how drunk I was at this point), but I've been told the same thing tons of times. It's not a huge deal.

A couple weeks later she texts me "happy new years asshole." That was when I decided this online dating shit doesn't really work for me.

I went through this really long period about 3 years ago (when I was really into film production) of arranging dates with  filmmakers and then turning the date into a business meeting. 

I guess I wasn't really ready to date. In the end I set up a really successful meet up group for filmmakers and quit dating.

  On 9/20/2019 at 4:59 AM, Braintree said:

A couple weeks later she texts me "happy new years asshole." 

This was probably intended as a prompt for you to respond with "speaking of asshole... so do you do anal?"  If the text was just a couple weeks ago, it's totally legit to still reply.

  On 9/19/2019 at 5:54 PM, MadameChaos said:

It was like a a bear ate a load of rotting deer entrails and then shat in his mouth, seriously fucking bad

To be fair I thought the rabbit droppings around the couch were lovely choccy raisins.... 

  On 9/20/2019 at 3:38 PM, mcbpete said:

To be fair I thought the rabbit droppings around the couch were lovely choccy raisins.... 

Hahahaha, I'll never forget that time you crashed on the couch and the rabbit crapped all over you. Fun times!! To be fair they were the pellets kind and not the smelly squidgy kind. 

True dat  and I had stolen the lil bunny's bedroom after all ...

  On 9/20/2019 at 4:15 PM, mcbpete said:

True dat  and I had stolen the lil bunny's bedroom after all ...

Ah, my little Lucifer. I had to have her put down a few months ago as she got really sick. I miss her so much. 

B'aaaaahhhh, I'm sorry to hear that 

Speaking about rabbits.. One girl I went out on a date with had rabbit skins drying in her balcony. And this was not somewhere in the countryside but in the city centre. Her neighbours weren't really happy about that..

Maybe they were the neighbours rabbits ...