discussion on having kids

  tauboo said:

i almost feel like i've had kids from looking after my niece and nephew so much when i was a teenager. my nephew would get confused and call me dad. he still has the hairstyle i had when i was 15 but hates me.

also, last time i went to visit them, to avoid them being cold towards me i bought them expensive presents. my sister (not their mother) said 'you can't buy love' and my nephew said 'yes you can!' lol

Personally well looking forward to having kids, definately need to be settled first i think though!!

We'll get started Sunday, start doing your Yoga techniques, it increases fertility. Big Lebowski says so.

it does? then why didn't you post a Big Lebowski quote?

Big Lebowski qoute- "it increases the chances of conception".

  autopilot said:

I'm not responsible, mature, or fiscally stable enough to have a kid.

 

I don't think I will be for another decade or two.

 

I've also never met anyone I'd want to raise a child with.

 

In the event that all the proper criteria fall into place...

 

I'd think about it.

 

 

 

Maybe.

i'll never have kids, ever. seriously doubt if i'll get married either (even though it's legal here). maybe it's just the maturity factor with everyone i meet, i don't know

  abusivegeorge said:

We'll get started Sunday, start doing your Yoga techniques, it increases fertility. Big Lebowski says so.

right im on that shit!!!! ;)

  abusivegeorge said:

Big Lebowski qoute- "it increases the chances of conception".

what does?

Yoga

i just don't get it, personally.

upon being asked, people immediately profess how having a kid is the best thing ever, how there's nothing like it, how it's the single #1 thing they've ever done. upon further questioning (in my experience) it turns out that the flipside to that coin is the abandonment of their personal dreams, lack of time to do anything for themselves or their spouse, serious financial limitations imposed by being responsible both ethically and legally for another person.

i personally find the idea completely horrifying. that's just me, and i don't think it's a BAD idea for someone else, but the concept of spending 18 years of my life with a child as my primary responsibility is about on par with the concept of being under house arrest. i know that's an extreme opinion, and probably woefully inaccurate, but for some reason it's my reaction.

i also find people's reaction to my opinion a bit suspect. i'm met with anger, resentment and oftentimes complete dismissal for having this OPINION. i almost always make a point when expressing opinion about ANYTHING to underscore that it's just that, opinion, and just how i FEEL about a certain subject, but i've had women YELL at me that i'm a "selfish asshole" and "a waste of humanity" because of my perspective. what gives? i'm not judging or condemning anyone. i think if you have a kid and it's the best thing ever, that's fantastic for you, and i'm jealous that you've found that contentment.

my girlfriend brings up the kid thing quite a bit. she wants one... when i press her on WHY, she doesn't have an answer. of course, i realise it's just a basic human impulse to some degree... a biological desire; but as humans we've learned (at least on a societal level) to compromise our biological desires in other ways... monogamy for example. i'd conservatively wager that 80% of married men would love to have sex with other women. women apparently often have this same desire, but we've universally agreed as a society that you get married and you don't do that anymore.

so why the reverence for one biological fact of life, and the repression and disdain for another? is it some false sense of evolutionary superiority that's somehow been enacted through years of authoritarian religious laws?

fuck me, i didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. i just find this universally unassailable "pinnacle of existence" that is having a child to be a bit frustrating.

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

getting married and having a child was the best thing that ever happened to me, and also the worst mistake i ever made. i'm too fucked up to be a dad. too late i guess. the amount of damage having a child has to everyone around you if you cant handle it, is beyond belief.

i will probably be leaving japan behind soon. go back home and try to get a real career and make enough money to suport my family before i get too old. my wife will never come with me and i will probably either never see my son again, or too little for him to ever know who i really am.

but i have 2 choices, stay where i am now, being a drunken bum, or go back home so i can support a family i will never see.

i'd vote to stay in japan while dedicating your life to the creation new and experimental forms of music. IDM is your family now

my first one is comming in like a month !! :)

Congratulations man!

  chax said:

i'll get married either (even though it's legal here).

wow chax is gay.

cool.

bro.

  maus said:

i just don't get it, personally.

 

upon being asked, people immediately profess how having a kid is the best thing ever, how there's nothing like it, how it's the single #1 thing they've ever done. upon further questioning (in my experience) it turns out that the flipside to that coin is the abandonment of their personal dreams, lack of time to do anything for themselves or their spouse, serious financial limitations imposed by being responsible both ethically and legally for another person.

having a child releases so much good chemicals into the brain that the flipside can be ignored maybe.

  maus said:

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

hey, that's not fair, leave weed out of this.

  hexagon son said:

i will probably be leaving japan behind soon. go back home and try to get a real career and make enough money to suport my family before i get too old. my wife will never come with me and i will probably either never see my son again, or too little for him to ever know who i really am.

 

but i have 2 choices, stay where i am now, being a drunken bum, or go back home so i can support a family i will never see.

i'm sorry, that's actually a really sad story. what's your impetus for forcing yourself to move away from your family, aren't there any other options? seems like that could only turn out badly.

don't abandon your kid.

  Deep Fried Everything said:

  maus said:

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

 

hey, that's not fair, leave weed out of this.

 

  hexagon son said:

i will probably be leaving japan behind soon. go back home and try to get a real career and make enough money to suport my family before i get too old. my wife will never come with me and i will probably either never see my son again, or too little for him to ever know who i really am.

 

but i have 2 choices, stay where i am now, being a drunken bum, or go back home so i can support a family i will never see.

 

i'm sorry, that's actually a really sad story. what's your impetus for forcing yourself to move away from your family, aren't there any other options? seems like that could only turn out badly.

well, japan isn't for everybody. there are so many things i love it here. i think the language barrier combined with my severly limited career prospects are getting me down pretty bad. the only people who i can really talk with in the same language are also foreigners and heavy drinkers. i seemed to have developed a severe drinking problem here (even worse than what i had in UK), i cant get help in japan for it either. i've asked my wife to move to canada with me more than once, but she just says it too cold for her there and she doesnt trust me to support her and the kids financially once we get there.

i feel really bad for her, i feel that i've put her through a lot. but if i feel i stay here that i'm gonna lose it completely. at least if i go back home i can be financially independent, support my family to some sort of degree, and retain what little bit of sanity i have left.

  tauboo said:

don't abandon your kid.

i dont want to, however as i am now, i dont feel that i am doing anything to help either. i want him to come to canada with me. my wife also has 2 other kids from a previous marriage, since we've come to japan they have pretty much lost all english speaking ability. so the move for them would be very stressful. i will always financially support my child, whether or not i ever see him again. TBH, looking at my child is sometimes the only thing thats keeping me going here.

:(

My children will be very pretty.

  hexagon son said:

  tauboo said:

don't abandon your kid.

i dont want to, however as i am now, i dont feel that i am doing anything to help either. i want him to come to canada with me. my wife also has 2 other kids from a previous marriage, since we've come to japan they have pretty much lost all english speaking ability. so the move for them would be very stressful. i will always financially support my child, whether or not i ever see him again. TBH, looking at my child is sometimes the only thing thats keeping me going here.

there are some pretty major asian communities in vancouver and toronto...i think like more than half the poulation is chinese or something in vancouver, i remember reading it a while back, it was almost like 47%

Maus, you ever ask a married dude what he thinks about you getting married while at the same time discussing your sexual adventures with the womens? The ones who are all gung ho and like "Dude, get married, so worth it" are probably envious and leave things out. I get the same impression from people who go on and on about having kids, like they want you to join the club so they don't feel as jealous when you talk about your carefree weekend. The honest ones don't blot out the hardships - and will usually ask you the right questions to give you advice on if you should have a kid or get married or whatever.

In my experience all of the parents I know under 30 constantly badger me and the wife to have a kid and throw caution to the wind, like they did. The ones over 30 see the distinction and know there is no need to rush.

Fortunately I'd need 10k and a Dr. to get the wife pregnant, or maybe lumpenrol to smuggle one into the country. No surprises here!

  maus said:

i just don't get it, personally.

 

upon being asked, people immediately profess how having a kid is the best thing ever, how there's nothing like it, how it's the single #1 thing they've ever done. upon further questioning (in my experience) it turns out that the flipside to that coin is the abandonment of their personal dreams, lack of time to do anything for themselves or their spouse, serious financial limitations imposed by being responsible both ethically and legally for another person.

 

i personally find the idea completely horrifying. that's just me, and i don't think it's a BAD idea for someone else, but the concept of spending 18 years of my life with a child as my primary responsibility is about on par with the concept of being under house arrest. i know that's an extreme opinion, and probably woefully inaccurate, but for some reason it's my reaction.

 

i also find people's reaction to my opinion a bit suspect. i'm met with anger, resentment and oftentimes complete dismissal for having this OPINION. i almost always make a point when expressing opinion about ANYTHING to underscore that it's just that, opinion, and just how i FEEL about a certain subject, but i've had women YELL at me that i'm a "selfish asshole" and "a waste of humanity" because of my perspective. what gives? i'm not judging or condemning anyone. i think if you have a kid and it's the best thing ever, that's fantastic for you, and i'm jealous that you've found that contentment.

 

my girlfriend brings up the kid thing quite a bit. she wants one... when i press her on WHY, she doesn't have an answer. of course, i realise it's just a basic human impulse to some degree... a biological desire; but as humans we've learned (at least on a societal level) to compromise our biological desires in other ways... monogamy for example. i'd conservatively wager that 80% of married men would love to have sex with other women. women apparently often have this same desire, but we've universally agreed as a society that you get married and you don't do that anymore.

 

so why the reverence for one biological fact of life, and the repression and disdain for another? is it some false sense of evolutionary superiority that's somehow been enacted through years of authoritarian religious laws?

 

fuck me, i didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. i just find this universally unassailable "pinnacle of existence" that is having a child to be a bit frustrating.

 

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

Hah, awesome post.