discussion on having kids

  chax said:

  hexagon son said:

  tauboo said:

don't abandon your kid.

i dont want to, however as i am now, i dont feel that i am doing anything to help either. i want him to come to canada with me. my wife also has 2 other kids from a previous marriage, since we've come to japan they have pretty much lost all english speaking ability. so the move for them would be very stressful. i will always financially support my child, whether or not i ever see him again. TBH, looking at my child is sometimes the only thing thats keeping me going here.

 

there are some pretty major asian communities in vancouver and toronto...i think like more than half the poulation is chinese or something in vancouver, i remember reading it a while back, it was almost like 47%

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

move to vancouver and get a decent serious job for a year or whatever. then after time get them to move there with you. if they chose not to then it's their loss

  chax said:

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

 

move to vancouver and get a decent serious job for a year or whatever. then after time get them to move there with you. if they chose not to then it's their loss

this is my plan, although vancouver, even though i love that city, may not be my first choice.

  hexagon son said:

  chax said:

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

 

move to vancouver and get a decent serious job for a year or whatever. then after time get them to move there with you. if they chose not to then it's their loss

this is my plan, although vancouver, even though i love that city, may not be my first choice.

What is it you do or can do for a living in Japan? Have you tried learning the local dialect in order to better integrate into society?

You need to get that drinking problem sorted out first - you can't do anything there (or in another country) if you cannot control your habit. Come up with a comprehensive plan, and stick to it - it can be done, and if you truly care about your wife, your son, and her kids, you'll do it.

selfishness v. selflessness

  Joyrex said:

  hexagon son said:

  chax said:

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

 

move to vancouver and get a decent serious job for a year or whatever. then after time get them to move there with you. if they chose not to then it's their loss

this is my plan, although vancouver, even though i love that city, may not be my first choice.

 

What is it you do or can do for a living in Japan? Have you tried learning the local dialect in order to better integrate into society?

 

You need to get that drinking problem sorted out first - you can't do anything there (or in another country) if you cannot control your habit. Come up with a comprehensive plan, and stick to it - it can be done, and if you truly care about your wife, your son, and her kids, you'll do it.

Well if he is a part of the social structure that is easier said than done. From my experiences in Japan getting a drink(s) after work with your associates is part of the job and not something you can just excuse yourself from by ordering a diet coke.

and in madmen

If we create as many kids as we seem to "need", there are more chances of every human being dying due to lack of resources to go around like a bunch of pigs reproducing until they all die of starvation.

An alternative would be to help give brighter futures to kids who are already born with no caring parental guidance or hope to them, encouraging them to get a career & a stable life before having a kid.

  Gardenia said:

  maus said:

i just don't get it, personally.

 

upon being asked, people immediately profess how having a kid is the best thing ever, how there's nothing like it, how it's the single #1 thing they've ever done. upon further questioning (in my experience) it turns out that the flipside to that coin is the abandonment of their personal dreams, lack of time to do anything for themselves or their spouse, serious financial limitations imposed by being responsible both ethically and legally for another person.

 

i personally find the idea completely horrifying. that's just me, and i don't think it's a BAD idea for someone else, but the concept of spending 18 years of my life with a child as my primary responsibility is about on par with the concept of being under house arrest. i know that's an extreme opinion, and probably woefully inaccurate, but for some reason it's my reaction.

 

i also find people's reaction to my opinion a bit suspect. i'm met with anger, resentment and oftentimes complete dismissal for having this OPINION. i almost always make a point when expressing opinion about ANYTHING to underscore that it's just that, opinion, and just how i FEEL about a certain subject, but i've had women YELL at me that i'm a "selfish asshole" and "a waste of humanity" because of my perspective. what gives? i'm not judging or condemning anyone. i think if you have a kid and it's the best thing ever, that's fantastic for you, and i'm jealous that you've found that contentment.

 

my girlfriend brings up the kid thing quite a bit. she wants one... when i press her on WHY, she doesn't have an answer. of course, i realise it's just a basic human impulse to some degree... a biological desire; but as humans we've learned (at least on a societal level) to compromise our biological desires in other ways... monogamy for example. i'd conservatively wager that 80% of married men would love to have sex with other women. women apparently often have this same desire, but we've universally agreed as a society that you get married and you don't do that anymore.

 

so why the reverence for one biological fact of life, and the repression and disdain for another? is it some false sense of evolutionary superiority that's somehow been enacted through years of authoritarian religious laws?

 

fuck me, i didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. i just find this universally unassailable "pinnacle of existence" that is having a child to be a bit frustrating.

 

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

 

Hah, awesome post.

yes very well articulated, I've been very harshly judge for saying similar things when asked why i don't want kids

David Cross stand up about how all his friends who had kids became really really boring people.

http://chris.quietlife.net/2008/11/27/david-cross-on-kids/

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

Why rightly so?

  lullezucht said:

  hexagon son said:

i asked her about this and she is afraid (rightly so) of the japanese community not accepting her because of a white husband and half jap/white kids. also, if we lived in van, we could probably only afford east. vancouver, which is like a 3rd world country, also aids capitol of n. america. my kids deserve better.

 

Why rightly so?

rightly so because this is exactly what will happen.

Strange, how can you be so certain?

Of course I don't really get into contact with the sort of Japanese you describe, but I know quite a lot of Japanese people here in the Netherlands (also with mixed kids) and they are a lot more open minded than the average Japanese.

My girlfriend and I are currently considering the kids question.

At the moment we are both 80% probably-not wanting to have them.

But then there's the lingering doubt that 'we will regret it when we are older'

  maus said:

i just don't get it, personally.

...i personally find the idea completely horrifying. that's just me, and i don't think it's a BAD idea for someone else, but the concept of spending 18 years of my life with a child as my primary responsibility is about on par with the concept of being under house arrest. i know that's an extreme opinion, and probably woefully inaccurate, but for some reason it's my reaction...

Yeah I feel somewhat the same, like its a 20-year project you are taking on, and the life of the child will be totally influenced by your behaviour in millions of ways, and so you have to be at your very best, except that you wont be getting any sleep during the really critical periods.

A few years ago i thought this:

  Quote

Our deepest strongest instinct as humans is to reproduce, and that is for the benefit of the species

 

200 years ago, reproducing and looking after your kids was probably the best thing you could do to help our species

 

in these times, bringing extra humans onto the planet is no longer key to our survival.

 

There are many other things one could do now to help the species, rather than to have kids

But now I don't know what I think. I'm reconsidering it all at this very moment.

Great thread everyone.

having kids just because you think you probably should might not be a good idea either... actually, i think it's a really bad idea, only have kids if you really want to

also if you think it would be like a 20 year project don't have kids

  tauboo said:

having kids just because you think you probably should might not be a good idea either... actually, i think it's a really bad idea, only have kids if you really want to

of course, but on the other hand people keep telling me that if I do have some I will have an epiphany and get really into it and really love it.

yea, you'd better because you've got a fucking kid! sadly, that doesn't happen to all parents

  zazen said:

  tauboo said:

having kids just because you think you probably should might not be a good idea either... actually, i think it's a really bad idea, only have kids if you really want to

 

of course, but on the other hand people keep telling me that if I do have some I will have an epiphany and get really into it and really love it.

it is a nice thought but what if you don't have that epiphany after the fact? i think its a safer play to wait until you or your GF have that epiphany together

  chax said:

i'll never have kids, ever. seriously doubt if i'll get married either (even though it's legal here). maybe it's just the maturity factor with everyone i meet, i don't know

I'm of the opinion that gayness is a kind of way for mother nature to keep our population in check as a species.

Or at least that's how I interpret my desire to get head from strangers vastly overpowering one to raise a family.

  autopilot said:

  chax said:

i'll never have kids, ever. seriously doubt if i'll get married either (even though it's legal here). maybe it's just the maturity factor with everyone i meet, i don't know

 

I'm of the opinion that gayness is a kind of way for mother nature to keep our population in check as a species.

 

Or at least that's how I interpret my desire to get head from strangers vastly overpowering one to raise a family.

im down with the gayness to quell population growth theory but i'd lump a lot of other things in there as well like war and the spread of human viruses

what is happening with the russian space programme? i think they're already off colonising other planets

I don't think they would let us in on that.

'us'?

  Gardenia said:

  maus said:

i just don't get it, personally.

 

upon being asked, people immediately profess how having a kid is the best thing ever, how there's nothing like it, how it's the single #1 thing they've ever done. upon further questioning (in my experience) it turns out that the flipside to that coin is the abandonment of their personal dreams, lack of time to do anything for themselves or their spouse, serious financial limitations imposed by being responsible both ethically and legally for another person.

 

i personally find the idea completely horrifying. that's just me, and i don't think it's a BAD idea for someone else, but the concept of spending 18 years of my life with a child as my primary responsibility is about on par with the concept of being under house arrest. i know that's an extreme opinion, and probably woefully inaccurate, but for some reason it's my reaction.

 

i also find people's reaction to my opinion a bit suspect. i'm met with anger, resentment and oftentimes complete dismissal for having this OPINION. i almost always make a point when expressing opinion about ANYTHING to underscore that it's just that, opinion, and just how i FEEL about a certain subject, but i've had women YELL at me that i'm a "selfish asshole" and "a waste of humanity" because of my perspective. what gives? i'm not judging or condemning anyone. i think if you have a kid and it's the best thing ever, that's fantastic for you, and i'm jealous that you've found that contentment.

 

my girlfriend brings up the kid thing quite a bit. she wants one... when i press her on WHY, she doesn't have an answer. of course, i realise it's just a basic human impulse to some degree... a biological desire; but as humans we've learned (at least on a societal level) to compromise our biological desires in other ways... monogamy for example. i'd conservatively wager that 80% of married men would love to have sex with other women. women apparently often have this same desire, but we've universally agreed as a society that you get married and you don't do that anymore.

 

so why the reverence for one biological fact of life, and the repression and disdain for another? is it some false sense of evolutionary superiority that's somehow been enacted through years of authoritarian religious laws?

 

fuck me, i didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. i just find this universally unassailable "pinnacle of existence" that is having a child to be a bit frustrating.

 

having said that, i honestly do feel happy for those of you that have kids and feel that way. just don't have 8 at a go like some of our more notorious california residents.

 

Hah, awesome post.

Agreed. Excellent post.

I feel the exact same way. Got it a huge argument with the girlfriend a few weeks ago, almost torched the relationship. I am never, ever, EVER having FUCKING KIDS. Call me selfish, depraved, coldhearted, but I am neither prepared physically and mentally to devoting my life to "another mouth to feed". Fuck no, not in the position I am in life right now, I wouldn't fuckin want my worst enemy to end up being my child. She got really upset, and I basically told her she needs to use proper birth control or Im peacin out.

The blowjob path didn't sit well with her either.

  tauboo said:

'us'?

lol