stupid first world problems you're dealing with

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:48 AM, Sprillian said:

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:16 AM, StephenG said:

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

i agree (without going into my similar father issues)

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:48 AM, Sprillian said:

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:16 AM, StephenG said:

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

Don't apologize. This is an approach I'm considering for sure.

But I've just downed 30oz of liquor because that's the only way I know how to deal with anything. I'm sad.

Goodnight WATMM.

Thanks for your help and support. I'm a fucking random stranger, often a WATMM POS and still you've supported me. Thank you......Good night.

Sorry for being such a fucking downer and not having a regular FWP like gum stuck to my shoe or something....

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:55 AM, yek said:

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:48 AM, Sprillian said:

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:16 AM, StephenG said:

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

 

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

 

If you stay strong and don't drink during this unfathomably horrendous time, that'll be a truly great achievement, not to mention something to show your family.

 

 

Sorry, I didn't intend on this being such an essay, but I felt it was worth saying.

 

 

i agree (without going into my similar father issues)

 

*** Life.

=(

Not going to jump in with more advice because WATMM has you covered here, I think. Be well, and happy to be a sounding board if you ever need to vent or whatever. It's normal to freak out when these situations arise. PM me (or some other watmmer you know better) if you feel things slipping out of control. Asking for help rules.

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:57 AM, A/D said:

Not going to jump in with more advice because WATMM has you covered here, I think. Be well, and happy to be a sounding board if you ever need to vent or whatever. It's normal to freak out when these situations arise. PM me (or some other watmmer you know better) if you feel things slipping out of control. Asking for help rules.

Hey thank you... I really appreciate your help and I might take you up on that (hope you don't mind).

Have an awesome night. =)

P.S. Hey, aren't you in danger of dying from drinking anyway? Watch it with the grief-binges... two bodies is worse than one.

Edit: I do mean it, & no worries son.

Mad sympathies, StephenG! Don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said... just try to keep your head up, but don't beat yourself up if you find that some days you can't do that totally... and as A/D said you can always ask for help, whether it's the Watmm brethren or somebody you know better irl. Good luck getting things sorted, man.

Seems my comcast/xfinity modem decided to go to shit (fuck you comcast and your shitty fucking products/service!!!)... thanks for neighbors with unsecured linksys modems though.

I think addressing anger is good for the psyche. I wasn't suggesting butting heads or being aggressive, but being honest to yourself and others of your feelings.

Didn't mean to cause any offence.

  On 8/7/2013 at 8:14 AM, ghOsty said:

Seems my comcast/xfinity modem decided to go to shit (fuck you comcast and your shitty fucking products/service!!!)... thanks for neighbors with unsecured linksys modems though.

I feel your pain.

I'm going to sleep on it and consider everything all of you have said. I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond. I don't have anyone in my life to talk about this with so as sad as it is WATMM has actually been my best friend through this, so far.

I'll sleep on it and try and figure out how to ease my own and my father's pain..................

  On 8/7/2013 at 8:07 AM, usagi said:

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:48 AM, Sprillian said:

 

 

  On 8/7/2013 at 7:16 AM, StephenG said:

 

Good points for sure... last thing I want to do is vent my feelings if they're going to make him unhappy in his final months.....

I don't mean to come across as a dick, but I wonder if maybe some brutal honesty is in order.

Maybe instead of tiptoeing around your dad and trying not to upset him isn't necessarily the best way to go about things. If there's a chronic communication problem with your family, then maybe you need to batter that down. It's ok to be rationally angry.

 

I think it's alright for you to say to your dad "Hey, I was terribly unhappy for pretty much all of my life, and some of that's down to you. I was the child, you were the adult. But I'm willing to put that aside because even though you haven't admitted it to anyone yet, you're sick, dying in fact, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life wishing I'd felt able to talk to you about this."

 

I dunno, people's concept of reality, life, whatever changes when they know they're not going to get to be part of that reality any more. Maybe issues that could previously be glossed over are suddenly apparent. Chances are he's pretty angry too, plus more aware of your feelings than he's letting on but doesn't know how to approach the subject because he's never had to.

 

And in terms trying to play family peace-maker I do have experience. You'll exhaust yourself and may never feel satisfied.

let me say:

 

I didn't go down the letter route. instead I've been expressing my anger directly at the persons concerned, both for longstanding grievances and for regular problems, on an almost daily basis. it's not helping but I can't help myself. my anger is actually getting worse. and I find myself trying to manage it (and failing) all the time. it's fucking up other parts of my life.

 

so my point is, now I realise why it's advised not to butt heads directly, because while it might feel very satisfying getting your frustrations out in the instant, you may also find that those frustrations don't go away. they're still there and they get worse, especially now that the other party/parties know it's a problem and still don't seem to be doing a damn thing about it (they may never, which you have to be prepared to accept and move on from). what you call "tiptoeing" is actually just looking out for your own psyche. it's about being careful for your own sake, not necessarily theirs.

 

but anyway, it's very case-by-case and I don't know Stephen very well so I can't say. but I can see why my psych said that to me.

Like you say, it's totally case by case. One of my best friends went through this with his family. After almost a year of shouting matches and fear, something slowly clicked and now they get along and respect each other more. He's able to be open with his mom, and he & his dad know when to leave well enough alone. It impressed me enough to try it a little bit, though I can't stand confrontation. It's great to say what you feel, even a diplomatic version. I support it. I hope you have some success in your efforts Usagi. And if all else fails, twerk for peace.

Sorry to hear that StephenG, don't really have any advice but I hope everything works out for you man, and good luck. Keep us posted dude!

Sorry to hear the terrible news, SG. You're a smart guy, and a good guy, so I'm sure you'll find a way to make that connection with your dad. I have yet to experience the loss of a parent, but both of mine are quite old and I often worry there's not much time. Like you I find it hard to talk to my dad, but for very different reasons.

In answer to your question, my fingers do not taste like vaginas.

FWP: my fingers don't taste like vaginas.

Sorry to heat that SG, just don't forget to tell him that you love him and give him a big hug goodbye. You'll regret it later if you don't.

Thanks guys and gals. =)

I think I will make a point of writing him a letter or getting up the courage to say what I need to.

  On 8/7/2013 at 9:34 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

In answer to your question, my fingers do not taste like vaginas.

 

FWP: my fingers don't taste like vaginas.

This saddens me. I thought for sure they would. =(

*sucks on fingers*

My fingers also do not taste like vaginas, FML.

*sucks on arse*

My arse does taste like chocolate though, WINNING.

i got a job at walmart

  On 8/8/2013 at 12:03 AM, disparaissant said:

i got a job at walmart

i don't have a job at walmart

  On 8/7/2013 at 10:40 PM, hello spiral said:

*sucks on fingers*

 

My fingers also do not taste like vaginas, FML.

 

*sucks on arse*

 

My arse does taste like chocolate though, WINNING.

Whoa you can suck your own arse? Sprillian's one lucky gal!

Last night I spilled coffee on my MicroKorg and now there's car hair stuck to the keys.

p.s. I kinda hate my mother. I'm a perpetual disappointment to her. She aggressively tries to embed herself deeper and deeper in my life, whereupon she makes me feel like shit. It's like if someone was like "hey, you wanna hang out?" and you're like "yeah sure" and then you hang out and that person just tells you what a shitty person you are the whole time. She laid a huge guilt trip on me for 1) not agreeing to let her do a Reiki session on me, and 2) not agreeing to attend a Sunday metting to her "spiritualist church," as if it were like an invitation to the movies or something, instead of essentially being a cult of people who think they talk to the dead and heal each other's cancer over the fucking phone.

Oh yeah, there's nothing worse than someone who has found an answer for herself, and then thinks it's the answer for everyone. I've been that person many a time, sad to say. One thing you can usually get new-agey people to listen to you on is that you have to find your own path. E.g. "I'm so happy that works for you, but I have to find my own path." If they can't accept that, they won't feel new-agey and accepting, which is dangerous to their self-image. If you can maybe speak her language a little bit, like "music is how I find my true self", or whatever it might start a dialogue.

It's too bad because a really "spiritual" person will be happy that you're doing whatever you're doing, as long as you're doing your best and it's working for you, even if it's rocky. So often I find that dogmatic people of any stripe are just looking for a paint-by-numbers approach to living instead of one that springs from your deepest, purest desires to be alive.

did about 3000 things this past week getting ready to move...and forgot one of the most important ones, ordering the electricity turned on. I move there in three days, and I move in on the weekend. Meaning unless the electric company has incredibly fast service (which i doubt), I will be paying a shitload of money living out of a hotel for a week.

Godfuckingdammit I hate moving.

  On 8/8/2013 at 5:18 AM, A/D said:

Oh yeah, there's nothing worse than someone who has found an answer for herself, and then thinks it's the answer for everyone. I've been that person many a time, sad to say. One thing you can usually get new-agey people to listen to you on is that you have to find your own path. E.g. "I'm so happy that works for you, but I have to find my own path." If they can't accept that, they won't feel new-agey and accepting, which is dangerous to their self-image. If you can maybe speak her language a little bit, like "music is how I find my true self", or whatever it might start a dialogue.

 

It's too bad because a really "spiritual" person will be happy that you're doing whatever you're doing, as long as you're doing your best and it's working for you, even if it's rocky. So often I find that dogmatic people of any stripe are just looking for a paint-by-numbers approach to living instead of one that springs from your deepest, purest desires to be alive.

Yeah, absolutely. She even said to me "I feel sorry for you that you can't believe in something."

And to boot my father is finally become a full-blown alcoholic that gets frustrated and impatient and mean when he drinks with pretty much everyone (including my 6-year old sister).

*sigh*

Does anyone have normal parents?

( last emo post for awhile, I promise )

  On 8/8/2013 at 6:05 AM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 8/8/2013 at 5:18 AM, A/D said:

Oh yeah, there's nothing worse than someone who has found an answer for herself, and then thinks it's the answer for everyone. I've been that person many a time, sad to say. One thing you can usually get new-agey people to listen to you on is that you have to find your own path. E.g. "I'm so happy that works for you, but I have to find my own path." If they can't accept that, they won't feel new-agey and accepting, which is dangerous to their self-image. If you can maybe speak her language a little bit, like "music is how I find my true self", or whatever it might start a dialogue.

 

It's too bad because a really "spiritual" person will be happy that you're doing whatever you're doing, as long as you're doing your best and it's working for you, even if it's rocky. So often I find that dogmatic people of any stripe are just looking for a paint-by-numbers approach to living instead of one that springs from your deepest, purest desires to be alive.

 

Yeah, absolutely. She even said to me "I feel sorry for you that you can't believe in something."

 

And to boot my father is finally become a full-blown alcoholic that gets frustrated and impatient and mean when he drinks with pretty much everyone (including my 6-year old sister).

 

*sigh*

 

Does anyone have normal parents?

 

 

( last emo post for awhile, I promise )

 

At least your parents won't be dead by December.