Autechre Amusing Amazon 1 star quotes of your favorite albums

This appears in every Kraftwerk related item

dull "music of der future"., July 9, 2008

By

Bartok Kinski "A casual stroll through the lu... (Prague) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Man Machine (Audio CD)

There is something inherently prosaic in this dead dull "music of der future". Fortunately, man has still some sense of individualism, but barely, and Kraftwerk's fascist goal for music has not rendered vocals obsolete. Listening to this, it harkens back to the techno geek 1970's when Germans laden in neo-fascist uniforms with thin ties and a pound of grease on their hair, showed no emotion on stage, acting like machines. Most of them wore leather pants so tight that they froze while playing, hence the dumb and inarticulate Krautbot look. They copied architecture chic from the 1930's, added some 70's porn montage and called it "modern" 1970's and praised the revolution of robots and computers. Not only is that very idea horrifying, but it is also silly. "Kraftwerk" means "cheese plant" in German and they are very cheesy.

The CD is probably one of the most horrible things I've listened to. If you can get to the end of it, you'll find all sorts of unwanted electronic noise, Krautbot voice dubs, electro fuzz, beeps, computer konks, repugnant computer-generated vocals, static, repulsive synthesizers, and extremely unpleasant clamor that goes on forever, that you'll soon be reaching for a hammer to crush the CD. In my estimation, all crap. A few American bands at the time tried the stale trend with deadly results, Gary Numan The Pleasure Principle (1979), Styx Kilroy Was Here (1983) , both tossed their careers away because of it.

You'll be reminded of foolish telephone companies, lumbering computer screens, electronic wires, gay 70's discos, and moronic techno cabarets in smelly, dark German cellars. So, unless you're a nerd or have little taste in music, forget this stuff ever existed.

I really like reading 1 star death metal reviews from people who aren't really interested in the genre in the first place.

Incantation - Mortal Throne of Nazarene

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This review is from: Mortal Throne of Nazarene (Audio CD)

you have got to be kidding, when you take a bunch of five year olds and let them make noise on some instruments and let the devil repeat 'bluhh bluhhh muhhhh shhhuuuuu' you pretty much got incantation. what a bunch of garbarge. how could anyone put this on and be like 'man this is so enjoyable, i love his voice, its so awesome how they keep abusing the drums and trying to make the guitar sound amazing, i mean like wow' do yourself a favor and go listen to some real music like tool. were you can understand what the f`uck hes saying. anything for that matter, id rather listen to crazy frog for hours instead of this retarded 'death' metal band

real music like tool, luls. I mean tool is good and all but the way some tool fans talk about the band just makes me

Also

The Beatles: Rubber Soul

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Hello I'd like to say whatever this music is it;'s OLD OLD OLD, as in obsolete, not anymore fitting for this time.

 

My grandsparents love this however and who can blame them but be warned it is definately not music for NOW people.

i can't come into this thread anymore. not after kraftwerk. although i suspect that is trolling, but why troll kraftwerk???

clouddead - ten

1.0 out of 5 stars what if beta band sucked?, April 20, 2004

By A Customer

i bought this cd because of all teh hype. people are/were lauding it as the future of underground hip hop. clouddead roll with underground bboys and are propped up ninjatune, and they are featured on the cover of the wire. so i would expect thier rep to be based on something... right?

sorry. i dont see this music as hip hop related in any way. ****this CD is nothing but bad extended hippie jams.**** like if beta band really really sucked. rather than kinda sucked. its not up to par with modern psych music. it fails in a vintage psych context. its failed exp art rock. perhaps made by ex bboys, but dont get your hopes up.

antipop consortium - arrhythmia

1.0 out of 5 stars TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!, November 2, 2005

By

red ant (in da hood) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Arrhythmia (Audio CD)

Beats?

Terrible.

Rhymes?

Ultra Horrible.

Album?

Useless

Don't buy this. I sold it back. Just from the internet exposure, and what I heard, I thought it to be groundbreaking; no it was earshattering IN THE WORST WAY!!!!!!!! Every song sucks. It's useless.

Peace!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Amazon would not let me rate it 0 stars.

  On 8/15/2011 at 1:00 AM, dr lopez said:

i don't find these funny i just get upset. which i shouldnt

You're always upset anyway. What does it change to your regular mood?

  On 8/15/2011 at 3:09 AM, couch said:

real music like tool, luls. I mean tool is good and all but the way some tool fans talk about the band just makes me

Unfortunately Tool fans are some of the biggest douches I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Doesn't one of their songs (Stinkfist maybe) actually mock the dickhead 'tool is the best band evar everyone else sucks!' attitude that Tool's fans are associated with?

Tricky - Maxinquaye

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Why can't people be innovative? It is no coincidence that this album came out right after Portishead's "Dummy"

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How can people stand listening to this music without being embarassed? I mean, what would your parents think? This is very boring and is only good for making love.

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love making teeny-condom music. dont buy this. buy massive attack and cannibal corpse, tricky used to be in cannibal corpse before he got kicked out for being stupid. now his music is on condom commercials.

condoms, sex....what's the problem?

the kraftwerk one was so awesome haha

  On 8/14/2011 at 6:46 PM, the anonymous forumite said:

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...Listen to real grunge like Staind or Daughtry. Alice In Chains are lame post-grunge.

LOLOL!!!!

Edit: The Geogaddi reviews saddened me. As did the Rubber Sole one, and I don't even listen to The Beatles, but fuck is that awful.

I kind of agree with the geogaddi review. How could anyone not have been massively disappointed with it after MHTRTC???

  On 8/15/2011 at 12:32 PM, LUDD said:

I kind of agree with the geogaddi review. How could anyone not have been massively disappointed with it after MHTRTC???

thats interesting - could you explain this a bit more?

Alex Patterson is indeed really nice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JuBs9HsKfY

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1.0 out of 5 stars Feed me weird things, September 20, 2004

 

 

By

eudemonist "oz" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Feed Me Weird Things (Audio CD)Waste of money and a crutch to those who think they are alternative listeners and experimenters.

 

But hey, I bought it, too....:( So at least you know this is an educated judgement.

 

Any album that has almost an essay to promote it on the front cover should have been a warning sign.

 

Behold: a lesson in "how NOT to make purchasing decisions when bored in music stores". If you have a blurb about the album, on the album, about how great the artist is and how difrerent and how new and wow....should've steered clear. Sucker for marketing, I thought, hell, why not give it a go.

 

Yeah OK, so this guy's done lots of albums Great portfolio...but the un-listenability of album it is blatant. Don't know about the rest of the albums, but this one is pure PONG. Samples aside, and some are great, there's no flow,. no beat. A saw sawing...sawing...sawing...I mean, If this guy was Andy Warhol, it would still lack arty/any cred.

 

If you're into trance, this would be good substitue as background noise. If you're into hang-overs, this one will ensure the pain lasts all the way into mid-morning. DIS- appointed.

 

PS : )....if you ARE into GOOD new sounds and experimentations - try THE AVALANCHES.

  On 8/15/2011 at 12:42 PM, o00o said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 12:32 PM, LUDD said:

I kind of agree with the geogaddi review. How could anyone not have been massively disappointed with it after MHTRTC???

 

thats interesting - could you explain this a bit more?

...Basically, the new record is a sonic palimpsest with all things that made Music Has The Right To Children lovable in the first place - subtlety, diversity and intimacy - eradicated. Or they just went away with the fizz. What we get instead is a tiresome series of motific self-references verging on cliché, delivered in a dopey hotchpotch manner to show the obvious intent of creating something „unsettling" which dissociates the name Boards of Canada from the oft-used labels of ambient, chill-out and even new age.

To achieve this goal the Scottish bunker-dwellers unceasingly throw in some poor digital distortion right out of some basic Sound Forge plug-in, snippets and phrases in reversal by shipload.... They called it „Magic Window".)

Not one outstanding song in sight, there's no new roygbiv, aquarius, pete standing alone or sixtyten here. Nowhere to be found the trademark acrobatics of melody. The tracks grind tediously through their durations, no evolving, no playing with structure - our attention is taken for granted. Even the sound is flat, one-dimensional, almost amateur-ish - a definite backstep. Pointless sample loops come and go amidst the morose buzzing, and all that happens is that something nerve-racking is finally mixed on top of all to get things „psychedelic". (Orb's Alex Paterson did this to better effect on any of his records.)

High scores of ridiculousness include: the drum pattern in Gyroscope, the track called Alpha and Omega in its entirety - and (surprise!) a child saying „beautiful place" in Sunshine Recorder....

Until these days I have been a BoC fan who thought MHTRTC was a mysterious rose of a record. To say I'm disappointed with Geogaddi is a humble understatement. So beware.

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By A Customer

This review is from: Spice (Audio CD)Spice Girls do not have any talent in them . They can't sing , they can't play any instruments and they're just horrible . Don't listen to the Spice Girls and Hanson , listen to Nirvana !

  On 8/15/2011 at 10:48 AM, xxx said:

  On 8/14/2011 at 7:13 PM, chenGOD said:

Enter the 36 Chambers:

"I love rap. But Wut Tang is garbage."

Wut Tang

You know, I've never seen the rabbit before.

Back to the game:

In Utero

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Linkin PARK Fanatic (VA, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: In Utero (Audio CD)

I'm 14 (using my mom's account) and this cd was dumb! maybe if i was high i would like it more but i didn't like it very much. I'll stick to Linkin Park and Papa Roach! And yes i do own this cd. (Nirvana-In Utero) I might b the only one puttin it down but when u get this cd u will put it down unless tha is ur a druggy cause it's mainly tha kind of music.....Hope you like my review. 100% true. Lata.............I'm out

LoL at his mom's account being Linkin Park Fanatic.

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: Surfing on Sine Waves (Audio CD)

I love RDJ. I hate his analog music. It has no merits. It has no creativity. It doesn't touch the darker side of my mind. In fact it doesn't even touch me at all. Quite frankly, I have never enjoyed listening to this album, except for that song with the piano in it (track 5?) which isn't that good anyways, but I don't remember the name because I never listen to the album. If you want some good RDJ that you haven't heard yet, get SAW 2, SAW 1, The RDJ Album, I care because you do, or Come to Daddy. Don't deal with this album. The only time it could ever move you is if your mental defenses were already weakened by an ample supply of powerful hallucinogenic drugs.

what is with the prices on the analord eps on Amazon...

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Analord 01 [Vinyl] by Afx (Vinyl - 2005) - Single

 

 

1 new from $144.99

 

 

 

Analord 10 [Vinyl] by Aphex Twin (Vinyl - 2007) - Import

1 new from $99.98

 

 

 

Analord 02 [Vinyl] by Afx (Vinyl - 2005) - Single

1 new from $114.99 2 used from $78.99

 

 

 

Analord 05 [Vinyl] by Afx (Vinyl - 2005) - Single

1 new from $99.99

 

 

 

Chosen Lords by Aphex Twin (Audio CD - 2006)

1 new from $79.32 5 used from $24.00

My local record shops still have them new on the shelf for £5 each

$79.32 for a chosen lords CD....????

seriously....???

is the dollar that weak now?

  On 8/15/2011 at 12:06 PM, Xyrofen said:

 

Edit: The Geogaddi reviews saddened me. As did the Rubber Sole one, and I don't even listen to The Beatles, but fuck is that awful.

We are the now people.

  On 8/15/2011 at 2:20 PM, Mesh Gear Fox said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 1:20 PM, LUDD said:

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: Surfing on Sine Waves (Audio CD)

I love RDJ. I hate his analog music. It has no merits. It has no creativity. It doesn't touch the darker side of my mind. In fact it doesn't even touch me at all. Quite frankly, I have never enjoyed listening to this album, except for that song with the piano in it (track 5?) which isn't that good anyways, but I don't remember the name because I never listen to the album. If you want some good RDJ that you haven't heard yet, get SAW 2, SAW 1, The RDJ Album, I care because you do, or Come to Daddy. Don't deal with this album. The only time it could ever move you is if your mental defenses were already weakened by an ample supply of powerful hallucinogenic drugs.

ahhahaa

 

i assume this guy thinks that SAW1 and 2 were made on computers....

EDIT: and ICBYD

I hate his analog music! The good stuff are the SAW and ICBYD! lol

Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

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Is there a sane person out there that can explain the appeal of this? rainy day woman #12 and #35? absurd, lyrics,song title, and singing about how we all must get stoned? I want you which sounds like it took 2 minutes to compose? stuck inside of mobile... I'll cut to the chase- if this was buy anybody else, it would have gone out of print 30 years ago! Got money to spend, go buy the beatles "white album", now thats a album!

Interestingly enough, many of the negative reviews of Dylan include something about how the beatles are better.

Ashkenazy's recording of the Prokfiev piano concertos

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After purchasing this CD set I was to say the least dismayed! Askenazy's performance is routine at best, and Previn is amazingly luke warm conducting the LSO! Decca/London's remastering is one of the worst I have heard for a 1975 recording! The strings are shrill, like fingernails on a chalk board, and the whole set has a weird bassy kind of imbalance! The best Prokofiev set to buy are the two CD's containing all five concertos on NAXOS, with Kun Woo Paik, and Antoni Wit conducting the Polish National Radio Symphony Orchestra! Superb performances, and some of NAXOS best digital recording!

This has got to be an ad for NAXOS.

RDJ album 2 star review from RYM

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This album's critical esteem is honestly fucking hilarious, considering how boring and inconsequential is.

The Orb - U.F.Orb 1/5

I've never understood why the Orb achieved legendary status while many much better and more accomplished bands fell by the wayside. Maybed it's because they were first on the scene with their particular style of mixing other people's hard-made music with odd snatches of words and sound effects? These days its simply called "mixing" and it's not considered interesting, but all those years ago when it started, there were enough listeners around who had never even heard the original source material that was being used to assume it was all fresh new stuff. this wearisome blend of other people's stuff, strange quotations and the occasional twiddle on some synthesiser or other just so they can add a writer's credit, should be left on the bargain clearance shelves where it normally ended up soon after original release anyway, and not souped up in the hope that people will feel compelled to buy it all over again.

Grooverider - Mysteries of Funk 2/5

mysteries of credibility

whatever the other reviewers of this album took before they reviewed it - i want some. the only track worth a mention on this album is "where's jack the ripper" which is quite good, but nowhere near as good as the origin unknown remix on the 12" which was absolutely awesome.

i am an absolutely obsessive dnb fan and have been for many years but this is the kind of self indulgent rubbish that gets many credible dnb artists (photek, ed rush & optical, klute) a bad name. sure the production is tight, but the tunes are terrible.

do yourself a favour - avoid this album and but ed rush & opticals "wormhole" instead.

  On 8/15/2011 at 4:41 PM, Root5 said:

Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

 

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Is there a sane person out there that can explain the appeal of this? rainy day woman #12 and #35? absurd, lyrics,song title, and singing about how we all must get stoned? I want you which sounds like it took 2 minutes to compose? stuck inside of mobile... I'll cut to the chase- if this was buy anybody else, it would have gone out of print 30 years ago! Got money to spend, go buy the beatles "white album", now thats a album!

 

Interestingly enough, many of the negative reviews of Dylan include something about how the beatles are better.

 

Ashkenazy's recording of the Prokfiev piano concertos

 

 

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After purchasing this CD set I was to say the least dismayed! Askenazy's performance is routine at best, and Previn is amazingly luke warm conducting the LSO! Decca/London's remastering is one of the worst I have heard for a 1975 recording! The strings are shrill, like fingernails on a chalk board, and the whole set has a weird bassy kind of imbalance! The best Prokofiev set to buy are the two CD's containing all five concertos on NAXOS, with Kun Woo Paik, and Antoni Wit conducting the Polish National Radio Symphony Orchestra! Superb performances, and some of NAXOS best digital recording!

 

This has got to be an ad for NAXOS.

this is actually standard fare for classical CDs. Completely normal.

Bad Religion - No Control [released November 2, 1989]

By A Customer

This review is from: No Control (Audio CD)

This is the worst album I have ever heard. It doesn't even deserve to be called punk. It is so unoriginal, it's all been done before. I don't own the album, but my friend (a huge fan) sent me the song 'Television' on MSN Messanger and quite frankly, it's rubbish. It is a complete rip-off of Sum 41. Even the guy who does the voice tries to copy them. If you're a true punk, like me, get Good Charlotte and don't waste your money on [this album].