Autechre Amusing Amazon 1 star quotes of your favorite albums

I almost want to rage

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This review is from: In-Sides (Audio CD)

I am blown away by the plethora of positive reviews and only one negative review. I gave each track only about 2 minutes til i quickly fast forwarded it to the next. What a sad sad sad excuse for an electronica album. This is truly the worst electronica album I have ever heard...nothing but mundande noise stuff with gay voice overs that sounded like it was created by some 16 year olds in their basements....after scanning through the album in under 10 minutes I quickly tossed it to my garbage can..

 

The only plus side its five tracks...fortunately I got it used off of amazon for [...] cents plus [...] bucks shipping...got it cuz a buddy suggested it and cuz of its absurd amount of 5 stars....id rate it lower if i could...i wouldnt even call it an electronica genre cd.....needless to say i wont be buying any other albums for this sad xcuse of a band

Also, seeing all the red squiggle underlines in these reviews when I copy paste make me rage.

And: "it sounds like teenagers or kids making music in a basement" seems to be a rather common insult for when somebody doesn't like something.

Dark Side Of The Moon:

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This CD is extremely horrible! Tavares is better and so is KC and their Sunshine Band. This is pathetic and utterly utterly utterly laughable cheap dung!!

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I bet even Darth Vader wouldn't listen to this rubbish and this is coming from a Pink Floyd fan. This is the most overrated album I've ever listened to, it starts off slow and never seems to get going. It's so over done and annoying like the bells at the start of time and the great gig in the sky should stay in the sky so no one can ever here it. There are no great guitar solo's shocking lyrics that even Robbie Williams could do better

I laughed at burial pink floyd and godspeed, tempted to think the whole thing of writing reviews is kind of a joke in itself.

One of my favorites: concerning Maurizio's M5 (via discogs)

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Review by Mark_Anthony Sep 15, 2009 (edited 6 months ago)

I managed to get myself a copy of this for 3 dollars. I'm really happy that I didnt spend another dime on this because I have to say its by far the most boring, flatline, go nowhere Moritz record I own. At best, this is a dj tool. I'll try to keep it positive by saying that there's a bunch of other outstanding Moritz works in the realm of dubno that are much more worth your investment. The Moritz remix of Tony Allen's "Ole" and also his remix of 2raumwohnung's "Ich Bin Der Regen" are much higher quality works. Even from Maurizio's own M-Series, M-6 or M-7 B side tear this lifeless dud to pieces. I'm trying to be fair and consider that this was made in 1995 when this sound was newer and productions were generally more primitive in nature. Maybe the people that love it so much are seeing it in a more nostalgic context. I'll probably give this away to one of my friends.

Update: I sold this to a friend for 3 dollars

  On 8/15/2011 at 4:41 PM, Root5 said:

 

Ashkenazy's recording of the Prokfiev piano concertos

 

 

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After purchasing this CD set I was to say the least dismayed! Askenazy's performance is routine at best, and Previn is amazingly luke warm conducting the LSO! Decca/London's remastering is one of the worst I have heard for a 1975 recording! The strings are shrill, like fingernails on a chalk board, and the whole set has a weird bassy kind of imbalance! The best Prokofiev set to buy are the two CD's containing all five concertos on NAXOS, with Kun Woo Paik, and Antoni Wit conducting the Polish National Radio Symphony Orchestra! Superb performances, and some of NAXOS best digital recording!

 

This has got to be an ad for NAXOS.

Classical music aficionados with no working knowledge of music are ridiculous. Just go read youtube comments on performances by people like Rubinstein, Horowitz...and heaven forbid you happen to be an East Asian youth who can play an instrument sublimely - if you are, you must obviously have been forced into it by cruel, relentless parents who see this skill simply as a means to earn a living off their otherwise worthless spawn. Additionally, as an East Asian playing Western music, you are betraying your race, and clearly have no real understanding as to the beauty of the piece you are playing and can only play it well because you have spent thousands of hours practicing by rote.

  On 8/16/2011 at 12:56 AM, Terpentintollwut said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 1:10 PM, chenGOD said:

You know, I've never seen the rabbit before.

 

What's wrong with you?!

It's usually covered up by text?

  On 8/16/2011 at 3:46 PM, the anonymous forumite said:

  On 8/16/2011 at 3:39 PM, Mesh Gear Fox said:

fucking jazz purist conservative wankers.

 

Jazz purists, imo, are the ones who understand the improvisational prime importance of jazz, and therefore the natural evolution of jazz as being a free exercise.

Absolutely - anyone who says Bitches Brew is a random collection of notes clearly has no understanding of music.

Full on LOL at the Big Black review.

Tri Repetae++

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1.0 out of 5 stars Garbage, November 5, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Tri Repetae++ (Audio CD)

I finally decided to pick up this album because in the underground music scene, Autechre has been consistantly put on pedestals & hailed as inovators and geniuses etc. etc. etc. Now, i know this is older material, and i also know that their newer releases are supposedly much more progressive and groundbreaking, but i've heard from a lot of fans that this CD is among their best work. All that aside, the music sounds to me like a couple of intelligent kids with no musical training or ability (& not much an idea of what they're doing) tinkering with some electronic equipment in their bedroom studio. The musical structres are boring, repetative, annoying, and lack any kind of soul. Is this really music? I would have to rank this among the worst electronic albums i've heard thus far, so if you have bad taste in this genre of music, i'd highly recommend this CD. "Garbage", the 2nd EP included in this package adequately sums it up for me.

  On 8/17/2011 at 7:18 AM, chenGOD said:

  On 8/16/2011 at 12:56 AM, Terpentintollwut said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 1:10 PM, chenGOD said:

You know, I've never seen the rabbit before.

What's wrong with you?!

It's usually covered up by text?

I'll let you in on a secret...

MUSIC IS ROTTED ONE NOTE

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This is not the squarepusher I remembered.

No cool techno beats, no sweet bass n drums. Just crap.

This is a bunch of monkeys beating on instruments with the record light on.

If I wanted chaotic 70's fuzion jazz, I would go buy it.

This just sucks.

rhythm? none.

just a bunch of unrelated sounds that sound bad together

chaotic 70's fuzion jazz???

sounds like an awesome genre!

  On 8/17/2011 at 9:02 AM, azatoth said:

  On 8/17/2011 at 7:18 AM, chenGOD said:

  On 8/16/2011 at 12:56 AM, Terpentintollwut said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 1:10 PM, chenGOD said:

You know, I've never seen the rabbit before.

What's wrong with you?!

It's usually covered up by text?

 

I'll let you in on a secret...

  Reveal hidden contents

it's not a rabbit

 

LOL ah shit - well whatever...small furry creature. Rabbit, hedgehog, chipmunk...I've never seen it before.

  On 8/17/2011 at 7:47 AM, usagi said:

Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation

 

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Sonic Youth are basically what is wrong with music nowadays. The rely on computerized Auto-Tune vocals, 4/4 rhythm, repetitive guitar riffs and immature lyrics about breakups for their fame. Thurston Moore is a horrible guitarist and Kim Gordon can't sing for her life without the use of computers. Check out Nickelback, Tokio Hotel, new Metallica or Seether for some good old fashioned rock n' roll the way it SHOULD be.

 

 

The Cure - Disintegration

 

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Disintegration is right...

The Cure were best when they did fun pop songs, like in the 80's and early 90's! Pop songs are what gets played on radio, and the radio is the only sure sign of what's good in music.

Obviously this album doesn't get played on the radio.

I took a chance with this album, thinking it would feature the "fun" rock side of Robert Smith. Alas, it's totally boring rock. I understand that The Cure wanted to try their talented hands at ethereal rock or whatever, but this stuff just drags on and on and on like a movie or something. Yes, it's very cinematic; cinematic with Smith's mopey vocals, which sound so much better when he's in a good mood. And why wouldn't the guy be in a good mood? HE MAKES MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!! Simply put, this album is too long, too brooding, and too ambitious in scope.

For people in college only.

TAKE CARE!!!

 

 

that Sonic Youth one is obvious troll

That Cure review is the most ill informed opinion I have so far seen in this thread "I understand that The Cure wanted to try their talented hands at ethereal rock or whatever". AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHTT

lol, I give this one star-review five stars.

King Crimson .- In the court of the Crimson KIng

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Lame attempt at art rock

Wow, this is probably the lamest album I've ever heard. I was shopping around FYE, looking for the deluxe edition of St. Anger and a Carlos Mencia DVD and this caught my eye because the cover was weird. So since it was like $4.99 I bought it because it was a good deal and "influential". Gee whiz it was bad! King Crimson are lame Creed ripoffs who try to make "art rock". Hey King Crimson, leave art rock to the masters like Nickelback and Staind.

  On 8/15/2011 at 10:34 PM, Braintree said:

Bad Religion - No Control [released November 2, 1989]

 

By A Customer

This review is from: No Control (Audio CD)

This is the worst album I have ever heard. It doesn't even deserve to be called punk. It is so unoriginal, it's all been done before. I don't own the album, but my friend (a huge fan) sent me the song 'Television' on MSN Messanger and quite frankly, it's rubbish. It is a complete rip-off of Sum 41. Even the guy who does the voice tries to copy them. If you're a true punk, like me, get Good Charlotte and don't waste your money on [this album].

 

Television is on 'stranger than fiction' if I'm not mistaken.

And 'no control' is a great album, how can you not love the opening track?

I overlooked the 'your favourite albums' part of the thread title, Dark Side Of The Moon is not one of my favourite albums.

So, Meat Is Murder by The Smiths:

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This inane sixth form record composes third rate ramblings over fourth rate guitar work. Aimed at a particularly pretentious type of pimply teenager this record is only remarkable for one thing: it makes Val Doonican look radical.

I'm actually struggling to find one-star reviews of my proper all-time faves.

  On 8/15/2011 at 4:41 PM, Root5 said:

Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

 

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Is there a sane person out there that can explain the appeal of this? rainy day woman #12 and #35? absurd, lyrics,song title, and singing about how we all must get stoned? I want you which sounds like it took 2 minutes to compose? stuck inside of mobile... I'll cut to the chase- if this was buy anybody else, it would have gone out of print 30 years ago! Got money to spend, go buy the beatles "white album", now thats a album!

 

Interestingly enough, many of the negative reviews of Dylan include something about how the beatles are better.

I agree with that review actually. Bob Dylan annoys me, and so do Dylan fans when they go all crazy at me for not absolutely ejaculating over his music.

"BUT ALL YOUR FAVOURITE ARTISTS WERE INSPIRED BY HIM!"

Oh of course. Well that makes much more sense now. I just realised I love his music by association.

i find bob dylan 95% unlistenable

  On 8/18/2011 at 11:03 AM, LUDD said:

i find bob dylan 95% unlistenable

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2.0 out of 5 stars Not even funny, October 17, 2009

 

 

By

IRate - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Haha Sound (Audio CD)

Another in the deluge of hip retro acts exploiting younger listeners, HS does little more than offer undercooked indie-oldies that rarely do more than provide tacky texture and minimal melody.

  On 8/18/2011 at 11:11 AM, Gocab said:

  On 8/18/2011 at 11:03 AM, LUDD said:

i find bob dylan 95% unlistenable

  On 8/18/2011 at 1:27 PM, jefferoo said:

  On 8/18/2011 at 11:11 AM, Gocab said:

  On 8/18/2011 at 11:03 AM, LUDD said:

i find bob dylan 95% unlistenable

NO

it's down to taste, but dylan was once a god, and still has his moments.

(you guys are crazy for not absolutely ejaculating all over his music-ALL YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS WERE INSPIRED BY HIM!)

these reviews are amazon

The Horrors - Strange House

"I consider myself to have pretty good taste in music - Smiths, MBV, Radiohead, Interpol, Stone Roses, Sisters of Mercy, Starflyer 59, the Dears, Baby Bird, GBV, 2010 releases Arcade Fire, Beach House the National, etc.

This CD is like a joke. It sounds like something my 9 year old daughter would play. Cartoonish and juvenile.

To even mention it in the same paragraph as the bands above is a compliment. "

Death From Above 1979 - "You're A Woman I'm A Machine"

"1.0 out of 5 stars fuzz, December 22, 2005

By

John Birch (Western End, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: You're a Woman, I'm a Machine (Audio CD)

Fuzzzz. fuzz pedal, fuzz pedal. someone likes the fuzz pedal too much. fuzzy overlapping fuzz.. fuzz intro, fuzz effects, fuzz solo, fuzz chorus. consistent snare. nothing new.. just reaally fuzzy. "

...

  On 8/18/2011 at 2:02 AM, 277: 930-933 said:

  On 8/15/2011 at 10:34 PM, Braintree said:

Bad Religion - No Control [released November 2, 1989]

 

By A Customer

This review is from: No Control (Audio CD)

This is the worst album I have ever heard. It doesn't even deserve to be called punk. It is so unoriginal, it's all been done before. I don't own the album, but my friend (a huge fan) sent me the song 'Television' on MSN Messanger and quite frankly, it's rubbish. It is a complete rip-off of Sum 41. Even the guy who does the voice tries to copy them. If you're a true punk, like me, get Good Charlotte and don't waste your money on [this album].

 

 

Television is on 'stranger than fiction' if I'm not mistaken.

And 'no control' is a great album, how can you not love the opening track?

I love the bit "If you're a true punk, like me, get Good Charlotte." THAT is just comedy gold.

My favorite Bad Religion album is 'Suffer' but it doesn't have any one star reviews. 'Against the Grain' has none either, so I went with this one, which is still a great album.

Not one of my absolute faves by any means, but this review of Gary Numan's The Pleasure Principle is rather entertaining. I've highlighted my favourite bits.

"In the mighty history of rock music and all its joys and glories, there has never been any-one as completely out of touch and hapless as Gary Numan.

Fat and futile, Numan represents in a single human form, everything that's wrong, and ever has been wrong, with popular music. Clunk-headed and entirely cretinous (whether crashing his plane in India and getting arrested for spying, or marrying his stalker), he is a career loser. Lacking soul, warmth, or even God help us, humanity, his miserable drones reveal better than any review the true depths of defeat and hopelessness he plumbs.

His contemporaries thrashed him outta sight: OMD, Eyeless in Gaza, Trio, even gimpy cruds like Blancmange kicked his rump effortlessly - but then they all had tunes, a modicum of humour and weren't solemnly and indignantly pretending they were 'futuristic'.

Futuristic!? This stuff set music back 20 years, it was as if punk had never happened. Dressed in what looked like a DS9 leisure suit, and with a voice so nasal it made Kenneth Williams sound like James Earl Jones, Gazza went on and on and on.... croaking incessantly about sub-Arthur C Clarke themes like alienation in (gulp!) the 'modern' world, dehumanising mechanization, space (the final frontier etc.. not the stuff between his ears!), bio-chemistry and the like - you get the picture.

Write down the most boring, nerdy topics you can think of and within an hour you'll have a pretty comprehensive and astute summation of 'The Pleasure Principle'.

Ever the space-cadet with the intellectual capacity of a weather-balloon, Gazza would have us believe he's some kind of proto-new wave Mr Spock, but in reality, he's more aligned with Kowalski out of 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea'; bashed with a spanner every week, but relentlessly returning to stupidly get bashed again.

You can be too serious about this electro stuff; it had a bad rep as cloying and un-emotive, but others managed it ok. It was only Gazza who made himself a Holy Show with his Billy Idol snarl and short-circuited robo-dancing.

Begrudgingly, 'Complex' has the foetus of a good tune, soon lasered away by the unnecessarily brutal 'Metal'; smothered to death by Gazza's parachute in the guise of the hideous 'Random' and wait 'til you hear the live version of 'Me, I Disconnect From You', a fun-packed extravaganza of doom and horror guaranteed to forever shift your aunt (y'know, the rich one, the one leaving all her money to the Battersea Dogs Home and none to you!) when she decides to descend on your front room, tea, and scones.

Get those samples going, you don't need to hear the full album to experience the despondency and it's saying something when your brave-heart reviewer had to physically stop his ears oscillating, such was the feeling of discomfort and unease brought about by a cover version of 'On Broadway' - the final cankerous catastrophe.

This review could apply to any of Gary Numans albums as they're all as bad as each other. "