Things people write on Facebook

lol

lol

*autism intensifies*

  On 10/14/2014 at 7:07 PM, Squee said:

A friend of mine just told me about this guy he took a course with. He was a bit weird but he befriended him on Facebook and this turned out to be his profile photo (and it's not a joke in any way):

 

First Buses are appealing for all passengers in the Milton area to remain vigilant and report any sightings of this couple to our head office immediately.

The image below, captured by one particularly hawk-eyed passenger, is believed to be of Brandon McPhee and Francesca Duncan, from Milton in Glasgow. Both are readily identifiable and easy to spot, owing particularly to Brandon's distinctive star bleached into the right hand side of his head, presumably by his mum, and Francesca by her pink and yellow hair (unbrushed,) resembling bird shit in a McDonald's milkshake.

We are looking to urgently contact Brandon and Francesca due to a rather amorous session of "heavy petting" on the M3 service from Milton to Glasgow City Centre, which is described as follows by the passenger who captured the image, who will remain anonymous for his own privacy;

"I was sat behind the young couple, attempting to mind my own business, but was struggling to keep myself to myself due to the young lassie blaring "Bits and Pieces" from her BlackBerry, which was doing my fuckin' nut in. I overheard the young lad say to her "I'm absolutely chokin' to ride you, bae. Will ye gies a feel?" Before I knew it, the young lassie straddled the wee man and started dry ridin' him right there on the seat, in full view of everyone. I don't mean to be crude here, but there's only one way to describe what happened next; he "slipped the haun'" and started talking dirty to her; "Awwwww, Francesca. You're so wet and hairy, it feels like I'm finger-feeding jam tae Steven Speilberg!"

At this point, I'd had enough. I stood up and politely asked them to stop or to get a room. The young man became rather aggressive and confrontational; "See that star on my heed, pal?! That means I'm a fuckin' top boy in the Young Milton Car Thieves, ye wanty fuckin' go?!" He then pulled his hand out from Francesca's pyjama bottoms and shoved his entire hand right into my face, completely covering my noggin in her fanny batter, which smelled so fishy that it would have made a seagull sick. They then got off the bus at the intersection of Hope Street and Sauchiehall Street, presumably to go "on the rob" at TK Maxx. The entire seat is also covered in her love gunge, I hope these two get caught as soon as possible. I'm still coughing up curlies."

If any passengers have any information which leads to the capture of these individuals, you will receive a free blowjob from Angela The Cleaning Lady at our Blantyre Depot or a quick pumping from our "Mr. First Buses 2014," Shaun Darroch depending on your preference.

Angela is particularly keen to have this couple caught, as she now has the monumental task of cleaning up Francesca's slug trail.

Thanks,

The First Buses Team.

Well doon messe. [-; :: ;-]

So glad I don't go on facebook anymore.

  On 10/18/2014 at 8:36 PM, lala said:

So glad I don't go on facebook anymore.

*Deletes facebook*

*Goes on 'Things people write on Facebook' thread*

Lol.

It was the 1000th candy crush invite that did it in the end

Actually it wasn't.. my mate left & so I did. Fuck it... I might even go back on but with only a select few friends/nights/labels whatever sometime but all the shit was getting to me

Sometimes I post music (youtube videos) on my facebook wall.

Should I feel annoying?

What ROCKSTAR are you?!

It's a slip into total escapism. You put enough of these quizzes up and the user feels like they're important because they're told that they're just like someone important. It's fucking sad.

The Black Dog just posted this hardstyle dudes biography, the most incredible artist bio I've ever come across:

http://ibizaclubbing-guide.skiddletickets.com/artist.php?id=123507506&eid=11920892

  On 10/21/2014 at 1:36 PM, Herr Jan said:

The Black Dog just posted this hardstyle dudes biography, the most incredible artist bio I've ever come across:

 

http://ibizaclubbing-guide.skiddletickets.com/artist.php?id=123507506&eid=11920892

you have to be hard to handle hardstyle

  Quote

Imagine watching a porn star having hot, rough, yet passionate but dominating sex to a breathless, wailing lover which, in this case, comes in the shape of a mixing desk. Forceful, dominant, aggressive yet somehow tender and caring.

Reads like a Pornhub comment.

hardstyle is such a pile of shite.

flol @ clickhole

btw Kim K is a total butterface. She's had a bitchy mom face since her 20s. Which is okay if you're into that I guess

I've been trolling my own facebook recently. I didn't post anything on it for a few months then came back from the void with some tomfoolery after reading the noyzelab reviews:

. The lie you are living in is boring and aimless.

  On 11/14/2014 at 12:16 PM, fenton said:

I've been trolling my own facebook recently. I didn't post anything on it for a few months then came back from the void with some tomfoolery after reading the noyzelab reviews:

 

 

. The lie you are living in is boring and aimless.

 

. 
Imagine if everyone ever went teatotal, completely.






. 
What would you say if I told you everything Morpheus told Neo was true?

 

 

 

 

I recommend it... it's good fun, and I hope everyone is worrying about me

^ weren't you going to post bad taxidermy pics?

Fortunately I'm not facebook friends with too many twats, so my feed content is generally interesting/useful. Homebrewing-related example:

Fucking hate Facebook but its good for linking stuff to people and hearing about local shows

well i made a new account and i only like pages i want to receive news about, no friends on my feed, it's pretty great this way, i even made different lists, music, cinema, news, etc...

  On 12/24/2014 at 10:58 PM, eugene said:

fucking facepalm lol, i love those ones, musics is life, life without music would be a mistake, william shakespeare...