Online Dating Horror Stories

  On 3/16/2020 at 7:07 AM, Braintree said:

So if you're raised in a culture that values monogamy, then you yourself will be more likely to value it. In addition, non-monogamous relationships will be more difficult because of the influence of how society views it.

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Yeah, totally agree. The book I'm reading basically making the same point and also goes way back to discover what were the social norms for us in the stone age, etc (spoiler: was not monogamy). I kind of feel trapped and anxious about my own feeling and desires sometimes and it is because of this way our society works. I also believe that there are way more people out there who feel the same way but suppresses these feelings and desires just to be in line with society's expectations. As for now I just stay with the 'I am single and I love it' thing and shut up about my broader views when it comes to a conversation like this, haha (I mean in real life, not on here, here I can say whatever:)).

Sorry, I hijacked the topic a bit. Back to tinder stories!!! I went on a date 2 days ago and I had to realise I built up a very specific list in my head about what I want and what are my red flags. This guy was SO MUCH of my type in lots of ways. But something was not right. Even the sex was good. But that's not enough anymore. I've changed so much in one year time, I can't believe myself.
The other thing is that I am dating with this other guy who I started to really like. You remember in Sims when two Sims started to talk and get to know each other and they had this wee plus sign above their head every time someone said something they liked? That's how I imagine it sometimes, haha. I feel like we are both a bit introverted and like to be alone so meeting him can be tricky (he is currently in the highlands ALONE climbing mountains for 4 days). 

 

lol yea social norms in the stone age were the best

Nah man, but here's evolutionary baggage bro

I don't really care if someone else is having polyamorous relationship or similar but personally it sounds like a nightmare, not because of the jealousy on my part - I'm not really a jealous type, but because it just sounds too fucking complicated. I can barely handle two person relationships, lol. Dating multiple persons and having to communicate with them on daily basis, well fuck that.

  On 3/16/2020 at 9:55 AM, Gocab said:

lol yea social norms in the stone age were the best

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yeah.

i'm pretty indifferent on the "issue" (it's none for me, whatevs floats yer boats) of poly- vs. monogamy, but i don't get that particular line of reasoning: not supposed to be this or that... humans aren't supposed to do shit, since they're not designed by anyone... i think. :3

@ropprecht expect your inbox to receive imminent flooding

Stone Age relationships no-one really knows. DNA from late-era Mesolithic cemeteries in Brittany suggest marriage networks with Neolithic females being drafted in from as far as the Paris basin, the Alps and beyond to breed with. I can just imagine Judith Butler’s reaction to the suggestion of such male contempt at controlling access to vaginas. Shorter life spans too. I wouldn’t view it as a hairy free for all though. Social domains in the past may have been v v different to today.

Poly relationships usually work if primary partners recognise each other as such. Of the bohemian types known to indulge in the occasional orgy, apart from incurring eye herpes from flying jizz and a genital wart cluster that nrly went corona, things can get complicated. Emotion and honesty aren’t always easy bedfellows.

  On 3/16/2020 at 10:11 AM, zkom said:

Dating multiple persons and having to communicate with them on daily basis, well fuck that.

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hahahaha, yeah, I agree with this. Although if you establish a proper communication system where it is not necessary to be in contact 24/7 and you just write each other once a day or so it can be manageable. Started to realise at this point that establishing things at the beginning could go a long way in building a relationship, haha. I know: duh.

I think it beneficial to understand how our species experienced courtship and mating historically. From what I understand of it, back when we were “hunter gatherer” (ie antiquity to ~ 12000 ybp), we spent the majority of time with members of the same sex.  That’s why women experience synchrony of their menstrual cycles.  “Courting” generally took place during celebrations (like sharing of food after a successful hunt) and mate selection was generally initiated by the female.  Afterwards everybody went back to mostly spending time with their respective sex.  Men hunted together while women took care of the kids and foraged for fruits, berries, etc.  To me this sounds pretty idyllic.  This modern world by comparison, ugh...

  On 3/16/2020 at 3:31 PM, Claudius t Ansuulim said:

 Afterwards everybody went back to mostly spending time with their respective sex.  Men hunted together while women took care of the kids and foraged for fruits, berries, etc.  To me this sounds pretty idyllic.

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Aye, it does sounds dreamy. This living in each other's mouth 24/7 is really not for me. 

After two back to back relationships that covered 17 years of my life starting at age 20, I currently identify as extremely/permanently single.
 

The notion of going on one (1) date makes me laugh and the idea of dating multiple people at once is simply insane. 
 

I am an Onanist, please be quiet while I go on my electronic music journies

  On 3/16/2020 at 3:31 PM, Claudius t Ansuulim said:

I think it beneficial to understand how our species experienced courtship and mating historically. From what I understand of it, back when we were “hunter gatherer” (ie antiquity to ~ 12000 ybp), we spent the majority of time with members of the same sex.  That’s why women experience synchrony of their menstrual cycles.  “Courting” generally took place during celebrations (like sharing of food after a successful hunt) and mate selection was generally initiated by the female.  Afterwards everybody went back to mostly spending time with their respective sex.  Men hunted together while women took care of the kids and foraged for fruits, berries, etc.  To me this sounds pretty idyllic.  This modern world by comparison, ugh...

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curious where this info comes from. 

Oh, if anyone is interested here is the book I'm reading. 

 

  On 3/16/2020 at 4:29 PM, auxien said:

curious where this info comes from. 

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From my brain (B.S. in Biology)

  On 3/16/2020 at 3:31 PM, Claudius t Ansuulim said:

I think it beneficial to understand how our species experienced courtship and mating historically. From what I understand of it, back when we were “hunter gatherer” (ie antiquity to ~ 12000 ybp), we spent the majority of time with members of the same sex.  That’s why women experience synchrony of their menstrual cycles.  “Courting” generally took place during celebrations (like sharing of food after a successful hunt) and mate selection was generally initiated by the female.  Afterwards everybody went back to mostly spending time with their respective sex.  Men hunted together while women took care of the kids and foraged for fruits, berries, etc.  To me this sounds pretty idyllic.  This modern world by comparison, ugh...

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All of this is wrong.

Humans lived in small bands with both men AND women (basically large extended families). Hunting was a male thing but it did not take up the entire day. Modern hunter gatherers see a lot of interaction between men and women.

Synchrony of menstrual cycles is a myth.

What constitutes “courting” and “celebrations” differs greatly among cultures, hunter gatherer or otherwise. There is no set pattern to how boys meet girls and vice versa, but it’s not usually formalized.

What *is* fairly universal is waging war and raiding other bands to steal their women. To me this does not sound “pretty idyllic”, it sounds more like rape.

how can we know these things to be certain?

Anthropology.

BUT ... it’s not an absolute certainty, of course. For example, we THINK our ancestors must have done a lot of raiding the neighbors for their women because that sort of behavior is fairly common among people who live in tribal societies, but for all we know this is a recent development and in our ancestors were in fact rather peaceful. The evidence does not seem to point in that direction, however, so for now that’s the best guess we’ve got.

  On 3/14/2020 at 7:28 AM, ropprecht said:

I just don't think human beings supposed to be monogamous. Currently reading on a book on this. Science and evolution and shit, you know, haha. Also I always get dangerously bored if I have to have sex with the same person for a long time.

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so it must suck that you have to wank off all the time huh?

  On 3/17/2020 at 11:37 AM, rhmilo said:

Synchrony of menstrual cycles is a myth.

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ah please, tell me about periods you wise and superior man.

My philosophy teacher was arguing that the female orgasm was a myth while drinking with us at a pub after the last day of class.  Was it a challenge?  Alas, that ship has sailed.  *broadens age range to 55 to see if old philosophy prof is on Bumble*

  On 3/17/2020 at 10:11 PM, MadameChaos said:

ah please, tell me about periods you wise and superior man.

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First, look it up on Wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_synchrony

The original study was flawed and subsequent studies have not found any evidence that menstrual synchrony actually exists.

I'm not going to dig further for sources, but here's an entertaining article from Scientific American on the topic:

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/context-and-variation/menstrual-synchrony/

I think astrology may be more popular than Christianity.

Perhaps this should be going in the pointless thoughts thread, but I only became aware of it through the dating apps.  It's been widely assumed forever that Christianity was the biggest religion, but I'm thinking Astrology has it beat by a pretty wide margin.

Girls that I've met who are big into using astrology to find the perfect match have horrible chaotic relationships. I wonder why?

That is exactly what an Aquarius would say.  At least, that's the likely astro-defence to that question.

lol just noticed the RDJ astro-chart thread.  I guess that's probably what prompted my other thought.

  On 3/18/2020 at 10:27 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

I think astrology may be more popular than Christianity.

Perhaps this should be going in the pointless thoughts thread, but I only became aware of it through the dating apps.  It's been widely assumed forever that Christianity was the biggest religion, but I'm thinking Astrology has it beat by a pretty wide margin.

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I was listening to a friend complain about a girl he’s been seeing and at some point he said “and she’s a Sagittarius and that don’t help” which made me go “you believe in that shit?” to which he replied “in her case I do, yeah”. Certainly shut me up. Never ceases to amaze me what people will believe in when it’s convenient enough.