Online Dating Horror Stories

Just swiped away a "be taller than me" profile (that's a direct quote).  I'm going to notice those all the time now.  

Gotta say, I'm a lot more perturbed by the astrology epidemic than the anti-shorty faction.  Is everybody secretly 13 years old?

Let's hope that they are at least secretly 13 years old 

Fuck the stupid random physical preferences, especially the hair and eye colour preferences, wtf? Are you 12yo?

Also now that I'm older the "similar interests" thing feels kind of teenager stuff. "Ooh, we listen to the same bands" That appeal won't carry far. Besides tastes change over time.

What I want to know basically is:

1. Are we physically attracted to each other?
2. Are our personalities compatible? Don't have to be similar, just compatible.
3. Are our lifestyles compatible? Again don't have to be similar.
4. Are our future plans compatible? For example, does the other person want to start family when I don't, etc.

Everything else is just details.

Unless it's just hook-up for sex, then everything else besides physical attraction is details.

Anyway, I'm currently have a SO doesn't really concern me. 

Adds "secretly 12-13 years old" to profile write-up.

Might be going on a date with an alto saxophone soon, I'll keep you all posted

i'm 48. that's a dating horror story all by itself

^hell i'm ready to give up and i'm a decade behind you, can't imagine how it looks for your age group

i just saw a "lol who cares about your height...you got any hair? " 

She wants to make a coat.

Lol

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

Yikes!  That's some crazy right there.  Thanks for sharing that.  

Fucking humans

That is some story....

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:15 AM, Stickfigger said:

It is a weird feeling to have when the person who has been the most 'into you' is that way because of a mental disorder.

I guess there must have been something about you that caused that mental state. Not sure if that makes it better, though, lol

^probably impossible stick. it's a curse being SO attractive for some of us, believe me i sympathize.

'tis a hell of a story tho stick for real, hopefully she gets some help, as i'd assume this is not her only symptom of whatever's a bit twisted in her head. 

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:15 AM, Stickfigger said:

It is a weird feeling to have when the person who has been the most 'into you' is that way because of a mental disorder.

never encountered this, luckily. gotta be strange yeah.

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:42 AM, Stickfigger said:

Ever since then i have tried to be less charming, charismatic and sexy.

It's not working.  lol

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:42 AM, Stickfigger said:

Ever since then i have tried to be less charming, charismatic and sexy.

It's working, you stink

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:42 AM, Stickfigger said:

Ever since then i have tried to be less charming, charismatic and sexy.

Was it April of 2008?

  On 1/4/2020 at 12:46 AM, xxx said:

I can't help but chuckle at the thought that converging algorithms are telling me "ay buddy--tough luck so far huh. Have you considered other markets?"

 

"A mouth's a mouth" et cetera

  On 1/6/2020 at 1:15 AM, Stickfigger said:

It is a weird feeling to have when the person who has been the most 'into you' is that way because of a mental disorder.

The person who was most into me was a girl I was also into but she also had a boyfriend so I stopped talking to her, then I heard they broke up so I tried to get back in touch and never heard back.  These things are too wacky for me to understand.

So, I'm a 99% match with one woman on okcupid (out of 150 questions).  Highest match percentage I've ever seen, and -get this- her first pic is of herself posing in front of a stack of modular synths.  I would not have thought compatibility on a pile of moral/political/personal preferences would translate into... mutual IDMness.  But apparently it does!  Unfortunately she's also one of those women modey is so fond of ("you must be taller than me - VERY important").  That and she lives more than a ferry ride away.  I sent her an intro message anyway, in the hopes that some form of long-distance friendship may thrive.

Sure she’ll fall for the mutual respeck malarkey 

“respecting this vagina to the fkn max, fnnnnnnnn fnnnnnnnnnn, wore a cock glove n everything”

don’t envy you, it’s a bit like being pen pals, initially, until the fuckability factor rears its one eyed head, then yer both damned either way. One of the (few) advantages of being an old cunt is avoiding these weird algorithms that decide which humans you might click with in person. Blue Velvet’s “Pussy Heaven” got nothing on the new.

Unfortunately, my date with the alto wasn't a horror story so I don't have much relevant to say about it.  There's about a 50 year age gap between the two of us, but I don't think it'll get in the way much.  The sax came home with me and we're now committed to living together for as long as we can.  Online dating is pretty neat.

I realize there were many unclean jokes that could be made about this gag but I'm going to pretend I don't know that and I hope you fellers will, too.

Is there any saxual attraction between the two of you?