stupid first world problems you're dealing with

  On 12/29/2016 at 10:02 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

  On 12/26/2016 at 11:35 PM, Squee said:

 

  On 12/25/2016 at 2:55 PM, caze said:

dementia is awful yeah, my 86 year old grandmother spending christmas with us this year, spent an hour talking with her this morning about her toast, after each slice she had she insisted she only had one, after the 4th slice she was convinced there was a family conspiracy to deny her access to toast, she has literally zero short term memory at this point. agree with everything they say and figure out various distraction strategies, only way to go, everything else leads to stress and aggravation. her childhood memories are actually stronger than ever though, get her talking about the old days and it's like there's nothing wrong with her.

 

Yeah, my grandmother is getting there. She tells the same old stories over and over but she can't remember things that just happened. The worst part is that she knows. At least my grandfather didn't really that he couldn't remember things.

A couple of years my dad was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia which was fucking terrible. The worst 6 months or so of my life. Turned out his liver was just fucked from his alcohol abuse. Oops. Stupid fucking doctors.

 

 

How's your dad doing now?  I think mine is in a state of continual decline.  I had to call 911 for the first time in my life last night.  He got on the floor and couldn't get back up.  Started talking about the lady in the light.... sounded like a light at the end of the tunnel death talk to me.  He's still alive tonight though... just some run of the mill old confused guy delusions.  There are no white blood cells in his urine, which is good, and extremely rare for someone his age.   So on the bright side my dad's in good condition physically.  Mentally he's totally fucked.  He's still alive but in in a sense he is gone.  I don't think we will ever have what can be considered an actual conversation from this point forward. I don't think I have fully processed this yet.        

 

He has his ups and downs and I've more or less come to accept that once a year so he falls into his own trap and starts drinking - I saw him take a sip from a random glass of wine on Christmas Eve. I got so fucking pissed. Sometimes I just want to punch him in the face, but I know it's a disease. And to be honest, I fucking love him. He's the best when he's sober and 11 years ago when I witnessed him being sober for the first time in my life I remember thinking to myself, "I can totally understand why my mom fell for this guy". He's charming, funny, caring... but fuck, alcohol turns him into Mr. Hyde.

Just to make it clear, he doesn't suffer from dementia. His liver was so fucked back a couple of years back so it couldn't clean his blood and all the shit in his blood get clogged in his brain which put him into a state similar to dementia which is why the doctors thought he suffered from dementia. It was so fucked up. I think he was around 57-58 at the time and he was put in a home for people +80. It was surreal.

But man... dementia is the worst. Like I said, my grandfather suffered it as well and I actually did manage to have a quick talk with the real him at one point. It lasted for like 10 secs but for a second you could see that he was present.

How's your mom doing?

She's exhausted... occasionally gets hysterical, but for the most part she's staying strong and doing an amazing job taking care of my dad. But she's doing things she should never have to do.  I think we need a nurse, or a home.... but it's expensive, and there are huge waiting lists for homes.

I'm glad to hear your dad has something a bit more manageable, sounds super frustrating though.  My first girlfriend's mom had an alcohol problem, and she could get pretty nasty some nights.  Mostly she just liked to have anyone listen while she rambled on about her problems.

lol sorry to crash the FWP thread guys... please continue.  Here I'll start.  I've noticed my body odour has been getting increasingly more mannish of late.  Not sure if it's my nauseating pheromones trying extra hard since breaking up with my girlfriend a few months ago or what... but I've had a few people tell me I used to really stink before we started dating all those years ago, so this might actually be what's happening.  I'm man stinking stupid hard unnngh.

I would suggest a) consuming less sugar, and b) shaving your pits and crotch.

It's been really cold in Nor Cal and my Marmalade Bush was killed by two consecutive 28 degree F hard frosts in a row... The leaves turned black n dropped off. Maybe it will resprout in the Spring?

  On 12/30/2016 at 11:07 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

lol sorry to crash the FWP thread guys... please continue.  Here I'll start.  I've noticed my body odour has been getting increasingly more mannish of late.  Not sure if it's my nauseating pheromones trying extra hard since breaking up with my girlfriend a few months ago or what... but I've had a few people tell me I used to really stink before we started dating all those years ago, so this might actually be what's happening.  I'm man stinking stupid hard unnngh.

I tried that during a time where I was pretty nervous about everything going on in my life. I had just met my girlfriend and felt like my life had been taken away from me, I had just gotten fired and had a hard time finding a new job, and I just wanted to stay in bed and do nothing.

As soon as I found my footing, and I found a new job etc. it all went away. Now I smell pretty good.

My 1080 CD shelf wasn't big enough for my collection. Always assumed I had around 400-500 CDs, not over a thousand. Need to downsize.

  On 12/28/2016 at 5:04 PM, Consul said:

People who act and talk like shit to me. And also people who talk shit about me when I'm in the same room. This problem alone just drives my anger issues wild, so wild that I start to stutter when I try to talk back and fail miserably. Also people who underestimate.

The reason you get angry

(and the reason you stutter...as I used to do, and for the same reason)

is because your 'general behavioral strategy' is running into a brick wall (i.e. butting heads with the world)

And your hypothalamus' quick-and-dirty solution is to use brute force to bend the world so it gets the fuck out of your way

also,

You are worried (as we all are!) that the world will use your vulnerability against you

And that that would destroy you

(That is why humans stutter: they are pre-flinching in anticipation of the world smacking them and punishing their vulnerability)

How about this:

Do not fall or feed into these behavioral micro-loops with the world

(They are, at bottom, interpersonal shame rituals)

Literally *anytime* something bad happens in the world

(i.e. Anytime your hippocampus clocks a prediction error)

Assume the problem is your strategy, and adjust accordingly

Because you have absolutely no control over anything else

Don't feel shame, don't obsessively re-run the past in your head trying to tweek it to perfection

Adjust your strategy, and move on to the next thing

Cheers

Oh and p.s.

I'm guessing you also have perpetual tension in your neck and shoulders

It's the same basic 'pre-flinching' as stuttering

which is why ex-cons famously have tension in their shoulders: they are conditioned to anticipate punishments in the environment and are 'bracing for impact'

Fix your orientation/strategy

And all that tension will dissolve

  On 12/30/2016 at 2:56 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Oh and p.s.

I'm guessing you also have perpetual tension in your neck and shoulders

It's the same basic 'pre-flinching' as stuttering

which is why ex-cons famously have tension in their shoulders: they are conditioned to anticipate punishments in the environment and are 'bracing for impact'

 

Fix your orientation/strategy

And all that tension will dissolve

 "just let go and change your behavior" isn't a very practical advice. You can say that anytime but it doesn't change anything

  On 12/30/2016 at 3:46 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 2:56 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Oh and p.s.

I'm guessing you also have perpetual tension in your neck and shoulders

It's the same basic 'pre-flinching' as stuttering

which is why ex-cons famously have tension in their shoulders: they are conditioned to anticipate punishments in the environment and are 'bracing for impact'

 

Fix your orientation/strategy

And all that tension will dissolve

"just let go and change your behavior" isn't a very practical advice. You can say that anytime but it doesn't change anything

It is *the* most practical advice possible

(By definition of 'practical' in fact)

And if by 'it doesn't change anything' you mean 'it doesn't actually bend the world to your will' then yes I agree

That's the whole point

The only tool you have that bends the world is your behavior (which is driven by your internal models of the world, which clearly aren't useful models if you are perpetually angry and ineffectual)

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:13 PM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 3:46 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 2:56 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Oh and p.s.

I'm guessing you also have perpetual tension in your neck and shoulders

It's the same basic 'pre-flinching' as stuttering

which is why ex-cons famously have tension in their shoulders: they are conditioned to anticipate punishments in the environment and are 'bracing for impact'

 

Fix your orientation/strategy

And all that tension will dissolve

"just let go and change your behavior" isn't a very practical advice. You can say that anytime but it doesn't change anything

It is *the* most practical advice possible

(By definition of 'practical' in fact)

 

And if by 'it doesn't change anything' you mean 'it doesn't actually bend the world to your will' then yes I agree

That's the whole point

The only tool you have that bends the world is your behavior (which is driven by your internal models of the world, which clearly aren't useful models if you are perpetually angry and ineffectual)

 

So if someone gets extremely angry on a regular basis I should just say: "don't get angry anymore"

Or if someone is depressed I say: "Don't be depressed anymore"

Wow, that's very helpful

You've reduced my post to mere 'don't get angry anymore'

But you missed the part where I detailed *why* you're angry

and exactly what to do about, step by step

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:27 PM, LimpyLoo said:

You've reduced my post to mere 'don't get angry anymore'

But you missed the part where I detailed *why* you're angry

and exactly what to do about, step by step

 Thing is, if you don't know that person you can't give sufficient advice

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:30 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:27 PM, LimpyLoo said:

You've reduced my post to mere 'don't get angry anymore'

But you missed the part where I detailed *why* you're angry

and exactly what to do about, step by step

Thing is, if you don't know that person you can't give sufficient advice

Aka "y'all don't know me"

Individual differences don't reach down into the limbic system

You and I are running the same firmware, homie

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:36 PM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:30 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:27 PM, LimpyLoo said:

You've reduced my post to mere 'don't get angry anymore'

But you missed the part where I detailed *why* you're angry

and exactly what to do about, step by step

Thing is, if you don't know that person you can't give sufficient advice

Aka "y'all don't know me"

 

Individual differences don't reach down into the limbic system

You and I are running the same firmware, homie

 

To clarify: It's not me who has these anger issues, it's the guy one page before. I'm just interferring the conversation :)

I mean what you said isn't wrong but it's so vague that it probably won't help him defeat his anger in my opinion - but I might well be wrong

Okay look, here's a story about how your limbic system works:

Limpy can you guide us through the process that compels you to post the same "Limpy's Absolute Truth Guide to How Everyone's Brain Works And How to Cure Everyone's Mind Forever" guide over and over again? Starting with your hypothalamus forming in your mother's womb and ending with you solving Psychology forever for the 100th time on an electronic music forum

LimpyLoo, master of woo.

(j/k, you're alright)

FWP; really don't know what to do for nye; party, stay at home or spend time with my dad.

I wanna just neck a bottle of wine and some oxazepam and sleep through it all.

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:26 PM, span said:

Limpy can you guide us through the process that compels you to post the same "Limpy's Absolute Truth Guide to How Everyone's Brain Works And How to Cure Everyone's Mind Forever" guide over and over again? Starting with your hypothalamus forming in your mother's womb and ending with you solving Psychology forever for the 100th time on an electronic music forum

Because someone said they were angry and stuttering

And I thought I could offer a solution

If it would make your life easier, I'm happy to stop

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:59 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Okay look, here's a story about how your limbic system works:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Your hypothalamus posits a motivational state (e.g. "I'm hungry")

Your cognitive framework then becomes 'navigate the environment from A (hunger) to B (food or food-getting tools)'

But there are also 'unseen obstacles' from any A to any B

When you encounter an 'unseen obstacle' your hippocampus activates and says to your cognitive system 'bro, go sort this out'

And if your cognitive system doesn't sort it out

Then your amygdala (i.e. negative emotion) activates

And then your hypothalamus' new motivational state is 'Hulk smash'

And around and around we go

 

So your cognitive system needs to get right by your hippocampus

Or else you become anxious, angry, disappointed, frustrated, sad, etc etc etc etc etc

 

 

 

That's quite accademic and it's a good thing to think about these things. But as I said, it's not very practical.

"You just have to fix how your hippocampus works" isn't an advice that really helps :)

If you tell him "change your behavior" you should clarify how he can do that exactly but you can't because you don't know him. But it's nice of you that you want to help

But we're going round in circles now

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:33 PM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:26 PM, span said:

Limpy can you guide us through the process that compels you to post the same "Limpy's Absolute Truth Guide to How Everyone's Brain Works And How to Cure Everyone's Mind Forever" guide over and over again? Starting with your hypothalamus forming in your mother's womb and ending with you solving Psychology forever for the 100th time on an electronic music forum

Because someone said they were angry and stuttering

And I thought I could offer a solution

 

If it would make your life easier, I'm happy to stop

 

don't you mean "take it to HR"???

(which I did and it was moved)

Some of us just want a place to talk about our bitchy fwp, charging our JO crystals or whatever. We don't want to understand "why". You've got your own thread for this stuff now meng embrace it. 

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:35 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:59 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Okay look, here's a story about how your limbic system works:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Your hypothalamus posits a motivational state (e.g. "I'm hungry")

Your cognitive framework then becomes 'navigate the environment from A (hunger) to B (food or food-getting tools)'

But there are also 'unseen obstacles' from any A to any B

When you encounter an 'unseen obstacle' your hippocampus activates and says to your cognitive system 'bro, go sort this out'

And if your cognitive system doesn't sort it out

Then your amygdala (i.e. negative emotion) activates

And then your hypothalamus' new motivational state is 'Hulk smash'

And around and around we go

 

So your cognitive system needs to get right by your hippocampus

Or else you become anxious, angry, disappointed, frustrated, sad, etc etc etc etc etc

 

 

 

That's quite accademic and it's a good thing to think about these things. But as I said, it's not very practical.

 

"You just have to fix how your hippocampus works" isn't an advice that really helps :)

If you tell him "change your behavior" you should clarify how he can do that exactly but you can't because you don't know him. But it's nice of you that you want to help

 

But we're going round in circles now

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:43 PM, LimpyLoo said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 5:35 PM, darreichungsform said:

 

  On 12/30/2016 at 4:59 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Okay look, here's a story about how your limbic system works:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Your hypothalamus posits a motivational state (e.g. "I'm hungry")

Your cognitive framework then becomes 'navigate the environment from A (hunger) to B (food or food-getting tools)'

But there are also 'unseen obstacles' from any A to any B

When you encounter an 'unseen obstacle' your hippocampus activates and says to your cognitive system 'bro, go sort this out'

And if your cognitive system doesn't sort it out

Then your amygdala (i.e. negative emotion) activates

And then your hypothalamus' new motivational state is 'Hulk smash'

And around and around we go

 

So your cognitive system needs to get right by your hippocampus

Or else you become anxious, angry, disappointed, frustrated, sad, etc etc etc etc etc

 

 

 

That's quite accademic and it's a good thing to think about these things. But as I said, it's not very practical.

 

"You just have to fix how your hippocampus works" isn't an advice that really helps :)

If you tell him "change your behavior" you should clarify how he can do that exactly but you can't because you don't know him. But it's nice of you that you want to help

 

But we're going round in circles now

  Reveal hidden contents

the reason people get angry

Is because they're limbic/emotional system can't distinguish between sandcastles and brick walls

And so it uses brute force to try to plow through both of them

The whole evolutionary point of having a cognitive system is to tell the difference, so you can walk around the brick walls

 

 

When I'm angry at someone because they said something bad, how does it help me to know all this stuff about what brain part is activated etc? The problem is still there. So what you say isn't a real advice but just knowledge. Good to have and interesting to know but doesn't fix anything

Mods, move all this shit to the psychology thread.