blow my mind away with fake facts

if you eat hotdogs on a wednesday you are legally entitled to shoot people provided you have a bale of hay in the trunk of your car. it's an old law that was never repealed.

Fever Ray actually wanted her performing alias to be Beaver Pay but the dude designing the album art couldn't understand her accent.

Fever Ray really liked beavers & she was hoping the name would get her some donations

In 6-7 billion years this galaxy will collide with the Andromeda galaxy and then not too long after that our sun will burn out. Eventually, all the stars in the universe will burn out and it will be dark.

how is that fake exactly^

  On 5/23/2012 at 6:02 AM, roasty said:

how is that fake exactly^

I read it wrong or thought it was the other thread. I'm tired and hungry.

Richard D. James has 5 finished albums that he's just sitting on because he's a cool guy and doesn't give a fuck.

Richard D. James continued to release under various nicknames after The Tuss and even announced the number of releases in interviews but nobody found these out yet. He continues to not reveal it like he did with The Tuss and sometimes plays the songs at his gigs. While he does he smiles knowingly

Kerry Wendell Thornley once sold LSD to a young Trey Parker.

The first editions of the next Xbox will have a failure rate below 50%, it will be more powerfull than a midrange PC. Online gaming will be free.

You would have a higher chance of playing hopscotch on top of the extended jawline of Jon Heder while a perfectly attractive duplicate of Jessica Alba satisfyingly admires your music taste while you and the cast members of Full House dig five hundred feet into the soil right in front of the White House searching for a cooked brisket cut in the shape of Zebra, than you are to die in a plane crash.

  On 5/23/2012 at 9:57 AM, Gocab said:

The first editions of the next Xbox will have a failure rate below 50%, it will be more powerfull than a midrange PC. Online gaming will be free.

But it's Microsoft, so that whole combination of things doesn't seem too believable.

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:09 AM, Pennywise said:

if you masturbate 10 times within half an hour, you level up.

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:13 AM, zaphod said:

if you don't masturbate for 7 days you'll get a phone call from a japanese girl who will crawl out of your tv, milk your cock, then eat you

Yeah, sorry. Took that one a bit too far.

  On 5/23/2012 at 2:50 AM, KY said:

a human fart is the closest approximation of god's true name—watch pi and turn it up really loud for the quiet parts. you'll see

Golden!

Boards of Canada are yet to complete their new album because track 17 ('Monomial Polynomial Tipi') still needs a specific embellishment in the left channel audible at 1:10. Michael Sandison has determined that this atmospheric resonance needs to be produced by striking the caudal vertebrae of an endangered 'Gough Island Bunting' against a Bougarabou made from tanned Giraffe skin and the heartwood of a 666 year old Armenian Oak that died of Canker Rot (they've apparently located such a tree after years of inquiry and searching according to my source). The "issues beyond the bands control" that MDG made mention of were, in fact, the brothers waiting for the proper collection permits to be processed by UNESCO so they could travel to Gough Island to collect several Bunting specimens. This process is complicated further by the Sandison's insistence that the chosen Bunting be suffering from a rare degenerative bone condition called Rhizomelic chondrodysplasia punctata so as to produce the desired B Mixolydian polyphony when struck against the hide. As per Marcus Eoin's calculations the recording of the drum strike needs to be performed and recorded within the upper-leftmost corner of the 'Tomb of the Eagles' in Orkney, Scotland on the autumnal equinox using an RCA Type 77-DX Microphone that had Grape Kool-Aid spilt inside the diaphragm in the 1970s.

  On 5/23/2012 at 6:09 AM, AdieuErsatzEnnui said:

  On 5/23/2012 at 6:02 AM, roasty said:

how is that fake exactly^

 

I read it wrong or thought it was the other thread. I'm tired and hungry.

heh figured that's what you'd done

Boards of Canada do not need to release a new album as they own several of the psychedelic online shops hosted on the same server as newcleardawn.com. The also receive money from a cult they started and newcleardawn.com is supposed to be one of the websites that is used to recruit new members via the internet. they where really happy when fans mistook it as some strange viral promotion instead so they could continue their business without suspicion. The Red Moon Event was a cult meeting too but they now use other domains to announce these meetings

The stars you see in the sky other than the sun aren't that hot. They're the equivalent of energy saving bulbs.

  On 5/23/2012 at 12:52 AM, Cryptowen said:

It is physically impossible for a human to fit all five toes on one of their feet in their mouth at once.

just tried this, it's possible.

it's pretty easy, too.

Traffic lights are each controlled by an ant colony that lives inside the yellow box. They pull levers n switches n shit to change from red to yellow to green.

Every time you turn on a light, you are killing a Ghost.

this is a local "old wives" tale, not sure what thread to post in. when you steer your car one way or the other it's actually an elaborate system of pulleys spinning faster every time you use the steering wheel. once you get to the maximum velocity, the steering in your car interfaces with your brain and you become one with the car. it is literally impossible to crash the vehicle when this has happened, and your life expectancy can increase greatly depending on normal driving use and wear.

this is how obama was able to 100% fix america

If you stare directly at the sun for a few seconds you're blinded, if you do it for 15-30 seconds you'll lose sight forever, however if you stare for a whole minute you turn into Batman.

When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood.

I am the batman.

  On 5/23/2012 at 12:43 AM, zaphod said:

seals are actually hosts for a parasitic organism that forces them onto ice floes where they are eaten by killer whales. the parasite is absorbed into the whale's bloodstream where it eventually enters the brain, allowing it to "pilot" the whale.

  On 5/23/2012 at 12:45 AM, kaini said:

zaphod is actually a host designed to disseminate the idea that seals are actually hosts for a parasitic organism that forces them onto ice floes where they are eaten by killer whales. the parasite is absorbed into the whale's bloodstream where it eventually enters the brain, allowing it to "pilot" the whale.

  On 5/23/2012 at 12:47 AM, ruiagnelo said:

it was written that, this day precisely, kaini would be the one to enlighten us concerning the fact that zaphod is actually a host designed to disseminate the idea that seals are actually hosts for a parasitic organism that forces them onto ice floes where they are eaten by killer whales. the parasite is absorbed into the whale's bloodstream where it eventually enters the brain, allowing it to "pilot" the whale.

  On 5/23/2012 at 12:49 AM, zaphod said:

kurt russell has starred in over 782 films since 1969. he started his career as a child actor sporting a full beard and shoulder length hair in easy rider, where he played an elderly motorcyclist.

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:13 AM, zaphod said:

if you don't masturbate for 7 days you'll get a phone call from a japanese girl who will crawl out of your tv, milk your cock, then eat you

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:15 AM, o00o said:

If you spam your music to everybody online they will come to your parties and buy your records

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:43 AM, zaphod said:

narnia was actually the creation of j.r.r. tolkien as a more "adult" alternative to his lord of the rings series. originally, the children are drawn into a fantasy land where they explore their sexuality with a variety of creatures from christian mythology. the one off novel was designed to upset tolkien's friend c.s. lewis, who was celibate until, well into his sixties, he accidentally impregnated a young whore who tolkien had hired to "finally fuck that geezer". distraught over his unwanted lovechild, lewis abandoned his career as an academic and plunged into a financial abyss. tolkien, a multi millionaire after the success of the hobbit, gifted the narnia idea to lewis in the hopes that it would help him take care of the child and his new whore bride. guilt ridden, lewis changed the narnia books into a christian allegory, left his newborn and wife with a heaping of debt, and ran off to malaysia to sleep with young boys and live off his narnia fortune.

  On 5/23/2012 at 1:46 AM, kaini said:

and it all happens in my butt

  On 5/23/2012 at 2:02 AM, kaini said:

brian eno is actually two women called paula and mary.

  On 5/23/2012 at 2:06 AM, Cryptowen said:

Aphex Twin no longer releases solo material because he actually ghostwrites & performs all of Nickelback's music.

  On 5/23/2012 at 2:11 AM, Pennywise said:

squarepusher has a phobia of pushing squares

  On 5/23/2012 at 9:45 AM, vproc said:

Kerry Wendell Thornley once sold LSD to a young Trey Parker.

  On 5/23/2012 at 6:02 PM, gaarg said:

If you stare directly at the sun for a few seconds you're blinded, if you do it for 15-30 seconds you'll lose sight forever, however if you stare for a whole minute you turn into Batman.

I nearly shit my pants upon learning these truths. Spreading the truth is a noble act. Like spreading the potential laughter feces from my pants all over Gallagher as he is destroying food in front of a very receptive and hungry crowd in Nairobi. Noble.